Last week I instastoried something that got a lot of engagement and pushback, and I thought I’d bring the discussion here to you all who presumably are more design enthusiasts. It’s about kids + my money philosophy, which is always a fun topic, LOL (P.S. did you read my Substack about how we talk to our kids about money, part 1?). I’m currently decorating both my kids’ rooms. One who wants to be highly involved (Elliot, my 10-year-old daughter) and one who wants it to be cooler than it is but is mostly ambivalent outside of being concerned that I’m going to make it look too “designer-y” (my 12-year-old son). I’m having so much fun on both of them, but ok fine, probably more fun with Elliot because she wants in on the process, has HUGE opinions, is super engaged with every detail, and is just so clear about her art direction. So this summer I tried to carve out time to take them both shopping for their rooms for the fun stuff, and I realized that while I have a lot of existential fear and anxiety about my job inadvertently spoiling them, I sure am fine spending money on some stuff for their room.

Do They Get To Pick Out Their Own Furniture?

While I absolutely let them weigh in on my furniture choices, I’ve learned now not to give them too much carte blanche freedom with investment pieces, or they will choose whatever looks like the most garbage-y, funky piece, which tends to be from Amazon ads. Think super fuzzy bean bag chairs, anything that could look like it involves gaming, spinning around, swinging, squooshies, etc. So I usually show them 2-3 options after I shopped and found pieces that make sense for them now, look nice in a room, and have some longevity (while admittedly some pieces might only work for them the next few years as they age). This is all super privileged, obviously, but it’s also my job, and I have a business to run so I’m not going to buy them a crappy $80 purple fuzzy lounge gaming chair that is going to fall apart and look ugly (and become MY problem) in a year. So furniture is mostly my domain, with recommendations that they get to choose between. GREAT.

Do You Let Them Choose Their Own Paint Colors?

Now when it comes to paint colors – it’s mostly freedom, with my “expert” guidance (I learned my lesson on permanent wallpaper for KIDS – DON’T DO IT unless you are ok changing it once they become tweens). I’m fine with repainting every few years because it’s fun for me and part of my job. Oh, here’s a HILARIOUS story. So as you know, Elliot wanted purple walls for her room. We sampled 10 or so of varying degrees of saturation. I strongly cautioned against getting anything too purple, and she chose one of the semi-muted ones, but the even more muted ones that I loved felt “sad” or “gray” or “boring” to her. But like I warned her, once it’s on ALL THE WALLS, even the more muted colors will become more saturated (it’s a volume game). So there are certain times of the day where she loves the color and other times where she says it’s brighter than she thought it would be. She laughs about it, knows that it was her doing, and we plan on breaking up all the walls with more art, so I think it will be fine (they are still empty walls now, so it’s more overwhelming). BTW, I still really like the color (Grape Mist) and I’m surprised she says it’s too much for her (only in the evening, strangely when the light isn’t bouncing around). So this isn’t a mistake, just some insight and a great reminder to us all – color gets exponentially “bigger” the more of it that you paint. Painting a bed frame that same color would have read the perfect amount of purple, but on all four blank walls it feels like A LOT OF PURPLE. Anyway. We like it enough, and it’s not a thing, but I just wanted to flag that for you. On to money talk.

Goal #1 – Have Them Love Their Room (So They Love Being Home)

Art and decor is where we all can bring in our personal style. Kids included. This is where they can feel like it is their room, during whatever kid stage they are in, and it’s where I love/crave their involvement. Now this isn’t for everyone. Most parents just want their rooms to not have empty walls and for their kids to clean their rooms. But again, since this is both my passion, hobby, and job, I get to really indulge in this stuff with my kids, which is something I’m so grateful for.

We make our kids buy anything with their own money that they “want”. We cover their “needs”. Needs are food, clothing, shoes, sports uniforms, basic toiletries, etc. They save by doing chores; we sometimes do allowance, they get money for birthdays, etc. And since we started this a year ago, it works. Sure, when we are on vacation we might buy them merch or a souvenir, and we certainly indulge in treats when we are on a family outing (we don’t make them pay for their own ice cream or anything), but if they want that dumpling squishy or squooshie, it’s on them. They no longer complain or push back.

Goal #2 – Have Them Love Vintage Shopping With Me (So They’ll Hang Out With Me)

Yes. Buying them stuff so they enjoy hanging out with me is manipulative, but it’s exactly what a lot of parents do at sporting events. Brian wants to go see a game and spend time with kids – shared interest, bonding, etc. But kids go for the cotton candy, junk food, and sweets until they actually are interested in the sport. There is no way that my kids (when they were little) were going to use their own money at a vintage mall. But since it’s my favorite thing to do and I want to enjoy doing it with my favorite people, I have to be realistic about what it takes for them to enjoy it. I mean, if I’m going for work, I leave them at home. But going to Aurora with my family on a Saturday, popping into some antique shops and then getting lunch at Filberts is my fantasy day. And them complaining the whole time ruins said fantasy day, so therefore I have to take manipulative measures to make sure they enjoy it:)

So yes, when it comes to vintage shopping, flea markets, makers markets, or thrift stores, I give them “free money” or buy them a few things (within a common-sense reason, obviously). It doesn’t need to be a “need”, because inherently none of these things are needs – they are decorative. For a while I was giving them $20 each and letting them decide what to spend it on, but it wasn’t enough for them to get too excited or to buy much. We’ve done scavenger hunts when they were little (so fun). I’ve bought them stuff for their rooms, costume jewelry, gadgets, boxes of old Legos, remote control cars – I’m enthusiastically open to anything. And I tell them all the time what a good eye they have, or what cool style they have. Like sports, it’s a lot of encouragement so they build their vintage shopping confidence. I really try to make the day as fun as possible, so they associate the experience of vintage shopping with FUN. Something they’ll look forward to, not something their mom makes them do that they dread. So yes, it’s part of a bigger manipulative scheme to eventually take them to the Paris flea markets, of which I’ve never been!

Goal #3 – Have Them Appreciate Vintage, Thrifting And Makers On Their Own

I really do think it’s a particular muscle that needs to be exercised; otherwise it can feel overwhelming and kinda gross at times. If you walk into your first thrift store when you are 30, you might think it’s disgusting (I know I’m preaching to my crowd here). But for most of us who grew up thrifting, even that smell is nostalgic and wonderful. It’s my job to teach them how to hunt for the good stuff, how to spot it, and what prices make sense.

Goal #4 – Have Them Value Antiques, Vintage, And Most Importantly Contemporary Makers

A lot of the stores in Portland are a mix of maker goods and vintage. These are my favorites and are soooo good here (thrift stores have gotten so expensive and so picked over in Portland that the antique malls are often the same prices for a much more curated experience – plus I’d rather give my money to vintage vendors than to thrift store chains). So we go to Urbanite, Cargo, Stars, Monticello, Aurora – all the best ones that are guaranteed to be a good time. These all have new artists as well as curated vintage, and I find the pricing really reasonable (not cheap, but reasonable).

Goal #5 – Art Is Important And Worth Buying If You Can

I will absolutely admit that Target, World Market, and Ikea have pretty dang good mass market art and I’ve 100% bought it many times (was in Target last week and their still life collection or vintage landscapes were seriously so good). There is absolutely no shame – when you can get something pretty good on a budget and fast, well that’s nothing to be snobby about. Sometimes you just want your walls to NOT be empty. I GET IT. For a few projects right now that we are over budget on, I’m definitely using Target art. But for my house…

If you have the budget and you enjoy the hunt, I think that spending money on either contemporary or local artists or vintage art through dealers is one of the best ways you can spend your home decorating budget. It’s a real win for all. We need art in this world to help give the world meaning and beauty. To help cut through all the other stuff and be surrounded by colors, textures, soul, and emotion. But artists can’t survive without a client to buy their pieces. So I think it’s my responsibility to try to seek them out as much as I can afford. We’ve written a lot of posts about this – where to buy art online (Etsy, Uprise, Tappan, Saatchi, etc.), and I’ve highlighted a lot of my favorite local or non-local contemporary artists over the years (of which I’m so grateful I can finally afford).

Vintage dealers are another gift to the world. They are the ones that scour the thrift stores to find the gems, and while they mark things up, trust me that the profit margin isn’t enough for the amount of work they do. You can’t scale vintage. And people think they need to haggle, and fine if you want to offer the top of what you are willing to pay, but trust me that most of the time they aren’t trying to screw anyone. I recently went to an estate sale with prices THROUGH THE ROOF (like 5k pieces of art, $1,200 pieces of busted vintage furniture). Sometimes it does feel offensive. But most of the time they are hustling so hard to find the good stuff that if they broke it down, their hourly rate would be shockingly low. Quick note: rug dealers often bake negotiating it into their profit margin; it’s more customary with them to price high knowing that they’ll give 20% or more off, FYI. And of course, if you are buying many pieces from one dealer, you have more leverage to ask for a discount. But if you are just buying one thing and it feels reasonable to you, just happily pay for it if you can. You are supporting people doing the good fight.

So yes, if I like the artist or a particular piece and my kids show enthusiasm around it, then I’m usually happy to support the maker, artist, or dealer by buying it full price (even if it’s splurgy). I want to show my kids the value of art and decor but encourage them to buy from these sources when possible.

Everyone has their thing, within their own budgets. Some might be sporting games or theater tickets (which I also enjoy). But vintage shopping with my kids and buying personalized things for their rooms is my vendiogram of happiness.

Opening Image Credits: Photo by Kailtin Green | From: Birdie’s New Tween Girl Wall Color (Bye Bye Butterfly Wallpaper)