We’ve got a purple tween girl bedroom, folks. And my very strongly opinionated daughter and I are having so much fun designing it together. In case you are just joining us, my 10-year-old (going on 16) felt that the butterfly wallpaper we chose when she was 6 didn’t represent her style anymore (to say the least). She has begged and begged in a non-bratty way for us to change it. She loves design and style and wants her room to look like her. Luckily for her, no one understands that more than me, and any chance to spend time with her I’ll take. Of course, the strict “purple and white” color palette was not where I was headed, but challenge accepted.

After attempting to make her wait til 13 to change the wallpaper, many of you (likely moms with daughters) asked gently why wait? I think we all know I was doing it because I felt shame that we had chosen a not-so-timeless wallpaper, but punishing my daughter for my short-sightedness is even dumber. It’s a sunk cost at this point, and as you put it, having her feel at home longer in her room, especially during the teen years, is a good thing. So with a paint partnership offer, it felt like the right time to do it, and my God she is sooooo happy.

We chose the color together, wanting it to look good with her doors and carpet (listen, we can repaint the doors but they were just professionally painted 4 years ago with thick, perfect enamel paint, and I’m just really trying to avoid it). She wanted bright purple; I wanted something more subtle, knowing that even a light color gets very intense when it’s on all four walls. We chose Grape Mist by Sherwin-Williams, which is subtle but still def reads as purple.

Here she is, folks! We put up beadboard panels to add interest (and because the wallpaper was NOT coming off easily, like at all – I don’t think the installer primed). Then she and I (and Gretchen and Elliot’s friend Olivia) painted it in one day. While I’m not 100% opposed to painting the trim, doors, and ceiling, I have a feeling that in 4 years she might want the purple to change, and like I said, the trim work was professionally painted when we renovated. Learn from my mistake – if you and your kid are into design, just play with paint colors, not a real wallpaper pattern. I have zero expectations that she is going to keep this color for the rest of her teen years, but that’s fine! It took us one day to prep and paint, and any excuse to spend time with her during work hours is cherished.

She loves it so much, and it really does feel calm and fresh. The afternoon light makes it look more intense, but still pretty. I’m SO glad that we didn’t go for anything more saturated. She almost convinced me, but we are both glad that I didn’t let her win that one.

Wait, What Happened To Her Bed?

The original Jenny Lind full bed that I got on FBMP was given to a neighbor who wanted it when I listed it back on FBMP. It squeaked and creaked and drove me nuts. We also like having a queen in here to use as an extra guest room (or all the many, many nights that I accidentally fall asleep in here snuggling). So we ordered a green velvet upholstered bed from Article, which looked great with the previous wallpaper, but she doesn’t want green and purple together in here, so she and my son swapped beds. She took his vintage boro fabric-covered Ikea hacked bed, and he got her perfect green velvet bed, which he loves. So I carefully took off my precious fabric and have draped this piece of white linen for now over the headboard. That way we can get a sense of what this “white and purple” color palette will look like. I’m trying to convince her to go fabric shopping with me to find a pattern for the headboard, but she only wants white or purple, no pattern, so if that remains the case, then I’ll likely order a new bed and list this one on FBMP or grab my staple gun and make this one official. This is where I get confused whether I should just be a regular mom (and grab the staple gun) or a career internet designer that needs to show off a really well-designed room (and get a great bed that will look a lot better than a DIY’d one). One is easier and cheaper, the other is better for my business. We’ll see 🙂

Creating A Vanity Area

The one thing she really wanted was a vanity, even though she doesn’t wear makeup yet. I think it’s what it represents. I bought this pretty timeless desk from West Elm in my attempt to not need to buy her the janky makeup vanity off Amazon that she wants that I know will fall apart. She put her full-length mirror behind it for now, but I’m obviously shopping for a mirror and lighting that reads vanity enough for her. I brought up my corner chair and ottoman, which I thought looked pretty great up here (but looks better in our room), but it’s too “brown” for her, which I get. Also, she has so many sleepovers in here (there is usually an IKEA twin mattress on the floor), so I’m going to get a sleeper chair for the corner instead (I just ordered this one, so stay tuned for the review).

For now, all of her “stuff” is in the three baskets in the corner, and we are working together to figure out where she wants to put it (and purging what she doesn’t want anymore). It’s mostly dumplings (IYKYK), fake nail kits that she buys at the dollar store, and random stuff that she has barely even missed or looked for the last six weeks. She loves how clean and empty the room is without all her junk, so I think we might just clean out her closet and create more storage in there (which is where her clothes are; we have a great closet system). Both my kids read on Kindles (we got used to it through our longer trips), but both have their special knick-knacks, so we’ll likely put up shelving somewhere. She no longer wants to display her kid art and pottery that she makes (and Gretchen took her bulletin board back and is going to repurpose it).

The old scallop shelving that was here was designed really poorly (like where the holes are on the back make it almost impossible to screw into the wall – I do NOT recommend them) and things fell off all the time. Besides, on that wall (next to the closet) she wants one of those full-length storage mirrors that a friend of hers has (like this one) that she is begging for for her birthday or Christmas. But internally I’m also like, “girl, do you really need two vanity setups for makeup you don’t wear yet and fake nails that look like talons?” But that feels like a battle that I don’t need to wage, as literally all of her friends are into the same stuff, and it’s not that big of a deal. Besides, I get it – pretending to put on makeup and doing your hair and nails are fun and can be super creative. Anyway, I know all you parents of tween or teen girls right now can understand. She asked me for face moisturizer the other day, so I know it’s in the mail (proverbially, none yet). I’ve read about the Sephora tween craze and how Gen Alpha is starting their beauty routines so young – it’s pretty insane (to us). Obviously, I’m not thrilled about attention going towards beauty so young, but I’m also not about to damage our relationship by being super strict and forbidding something so innocuous (for now). We live in the world that we live in at this particular time. I am prioritizing our connection over restriction where appropriate (thank you to tween psychologist Lisa Damour for giving me that mantra) and saving all my battle strength for when she starts asking for social media.

I had to feature this super cute bedding for an Anthropologie partnership, and I like it in here, but my sweet client doesn’t agree. Her vision is so clear, you guys. She just wants purple and white and only purple and white. No accent color. No patterns. Nothing that feels old and vintage (apparently her generation is not into granny-core). In fact, last night we were watching Elle (the precursor to Legally Blonde), and when she got her new, only hot pink, white, and crystal room (set in the late 90s), Elliot turned to me and said, “ooh I want that but just purple and white!!” It was actually really helpful to have the visual.

Of course the challenge is that purple, white and gold can go gaudy and cheesy really fast. So she has agreed to add in wood elements (to “warm it up”, she says) and even some “texture”, but she doesn’t want it to “pop”. And I get it. She and I are so unbelievably alike that putting myself in her shoes is just so easy. I can see what she is doing – she is backlashing against a house that has a lot of patterns, color, and “old stuff”. She wants her room to feel sophisticated, “fancy”, fresh, simple, and still youthful but in a teen way.

I’m learning a lot, but this process won’t be fun if I engage in a power struggle, so I’m not (so much tongue holding). This is her room, not mine, and I only benefit from this if we have fun together. She knows very well how lucky she is and how unique it is that this is my job. She has learned to say “mama, that’s just not my style” when I show her something she doesn’t like and will totally compromise on some stuff (like the softer wall color – THANK GOD). My goal here is to have fun and bond and then hopefully have a room that both looks like her as well as, ahem, good design for my job (which is just our atypical family reality).

So I pulled together a mood board in Spoak so you can see where we are headed. Some of this we already have, but most are either in the works or just options we are toying with.

I’m still debating all of it. She has room for a long low bookcase next to her bed (that she wants to remain in the corner), but I fear it’s just going to be a junk collector. I actually designed the Mallory rug for RugsUSA for her since she loves purple, so it’s funny that I might buy it now to float in the middle (they are still selling it even though it’s technically not an EHD rug anymore). What isn’t on the moodboard is her collection of stuffies (she sleeps with 9 every night and counts them like children) and all her squooshies, labubus and dumplings 🙂 And we’ll likely add a ton more posters on the walls as she gets more into different music or art.

Also not shown is my extreme excitement and joy to be able to spend time with her like this. She is such a ball of happiness and fun, and her enthusiasm is so infectious. She is high-key my favorite person to hang out with, and she currently says I’m hers, so since I know/fear that will change, I may milk this design process for a while… 🙂 And by a while, I hope we’ll have it done by her birthday in October. xx

*Photos by Kaitlin Green