My winter hibernation ended mid-March, and this bear has woken up. January and February are famously dark and rainy up here, and business is so slow, in the best of ways, so I have so much-needed time to dedicate to care and maintenance in all aspects of my life. So here is a little life update. I spent almost every night listening to audiobooks and podcasts, organizing and “taking inventory” of every single drawer and cupboard in the house (very happily, btw). I went on multiple bonding trips to tend to my different friendship groups (and team!), we spent rainy Saturday afternoons with the kids reading by the fire in the living room (it’s so fun that the kids are addicted to book series, too). I had big, productive conversations with my team, setting goals and making sure they feel valued and thriving as we plan the year (we are finally redesigning the website and making it faster, better, easier to navigate). Brian and I started our newsletter, which has been a really fun thing for us to bond over. I also worked out a lot, ate so much soup, slept so much, and finally got into some doctors’ appointments I had been putting off (colonoscopy, mammogram, heart ultrasound, new functional medicine doctor), which reduces my anxiety a lot. The point is – my January and February self is likely my best one, full of quiet and slowness, space and clear priorities. This is definitely helped by the dark/rainy weather here, which many find depressing (and it is), but I think it’s necessary for a proper hibernation (it makes it easy to just stay home and do all of the above). So when the end of March rolls around, spring break and the busy season begins I’m ready for it, while also trying to bring along all aforementioned good habits that make the rest of my life really manageable (and enjoyable). Life isn’t perfect over here, of course, but the big stuff is intact (relationships and health), so that’s what I try to focus on. But let’s get into it:

How is the Substack Going?

Brian and I launched a more personal and, dare I say, intimate newsletter (the new blog, basically that you pay to read) about 2 months ago, and we are enjoying the hell out of it, together. We are keeping it casual, loose, and easy with very low expectations as to not put pressure on our marriage and family. It’s been such a fun way to connect, and I so enjoy reading his posts. I generally know what he is going to write about when it’s his week, but I’m always so delighted getting it in my inbox because he has such good male insight, perspective, and is such an engaging writer. In case you missed them, here is a snapshot of what we wrote about thus far:

The Only Therapy That Worked With My Man Brain
This was his first post, and it’s about his own therapy, which is called “narrative therapy”. He doesn’t have childhood trauma. He doesn’t necessarily need deep psychoanalysis. He was stuck, inside a narrative that he was telling himself (which we know a lot of men who do this exact same thing), so this was about how this type of therapy totally opened him up and changed his life (and our marriage). It’s also deeply personal about marital resentments and how we’ve gotten through them.

My 10-Year-Old Wants to Start a YouTube Channel – Here’s What I Told Her
This one surprised even me. While writing it, I actually changed my own mind and loosened my grip a bit. I was able to release some judgement (which is an absolute work in progress) and came to a conclusion that I’m currently comfortable with (Elliot still doesn’t agree).

What Exactly is a Lead Parent?
Brian wrote here about his journey to being the default or accidental lead parent, and how he has come to accept it (but not perfectly, BTW). It’s about the deprogramming (and reprogramming) that he has had to do as a Gen X man, while my career took off as we had two young kids. I know that this transition was painful for him (he has huge creative ambitions, too), and his emotional intelligence is pretty dang exceptional, if I can brag about him a bit more.

The Real Reason There Are So Many Mormon Influencers
This one got a ton of traffic because, as a former Mormon and influencer myself, I have thought about this for 16 years. I think there are 6 distinct reasons why Mormons took over the influencing world, with a few that you will be absolutely surprised by (insider nuggets). I knew that it would provoke a larger conversation about the pros and cons of the church, which was not the intent of the article; I kept tight to the thesis. I could write a whole book about my experience being raised in and then leaving the church. This is ONLY about why I think Mormon influencers do so well (why does it come so naturally??). It’s such an interesting phenomenon that challenges the patriarchy from the inside, full of extreme ironies, as women have emerged as the breadwinners in many families.

You Can’t Spell Minivan Without MAN
This was a pretty hilarious and insightful essay on masculinity by Brian, as the proud (but apparently not so proud) owner of a minivan (it was his idea, I promise!). You know the stereotype about how some men compensate for their insecurities by driving huge muscle cars? Well, this is the opposite. Can a man really be comfortable driving a minivan? This is what he explores.

Three Things We Do When We Start to Feel Like Roommates
A lot of people connected to this one, as it is pretty inevitable in long-term monogamy. We’ve been together for 25 years, so this has reared its head during many, many seasons of our lives (especially with kids). It still happens, but these are our tools to fix it faster when it does.

I Went to a Fancy Acting School That Put Us in 100k in Debt. Was it Worth it?
Brian went to NYU Tisch Graduate Acting Conservatory for three years. We’ve talked about this a lot over the last 20 years, but I was genuinely curious as a parent now with kids approaching college in the not-so-far-away future, if this is something we would advise and support for our kids and others, or not. You’ll have to read it to find out.

We Officially Blocked All Online Porn and Gambling to Protect Our Kids. Here’s how and why.
Our kids don’t have phones yet, but we have so many kids over here that I wanted to ensure they wouldn’t stumble upon something inappropriate and expose our kids to, well, dangerous stuff at this important developmental stage. This is how I did it (it wasn’t just a hopeful conversation).

A Voyeur’s Guide to Our Week
This was for all of you who want a play-by-play of another family’s lives. Who does what? What does an average Tuesday after school look like at our house? Who does the carpool, the dinners, and how much screentime do our kids actually get? (More than we’d like to admit). What activities are our kids into right now?

I’ve Got 6 Years to Raise a Good Man
This was an excellent essay as a reaction to the Manosphere documentary on Netflix that was the newest wakeup call for Brian when it comes to teen boys and the internet. Maybe we are being alarmists here, but even on the safe side, there are some things he wants to do differently and better to make sure Charlie (as a privileged white future man) knows how to treat and respect all people (including women). It starts at home, folks.

Our Spring Break Recap! 8 Days in Tulum and Cancun
We wrote this on the plane home, so it was super fresh (with plane wine). It was a different trip for us and perhaps our kids’ favorites (and yet we would have done some things differently). We feel lucky to be able to take our kids on any vacation, truly, and experience firsts with them (like parasailing). Lots of good-to-knows 🙂

Any Fun Stuff With The Business?

There are years where I wonder how much longer the internet will have me (which makes me career spiral), but I’m happy to say that this isn’t one of them, and I’m feeling really excited to still be here and continue to do what we love. I had been nervous to re-invest in rebuilding/redesigning the blog (a 50k expense all in), not knowing where AI and media are heading. But it feels really good to do so, regardless of all the unknowns. There is a community here that we love so much, and while every single thing we write will be scraped and republished by AI, this gives us a renewed challenge to create content with our expert point of view, personal anecdotes, real-life scenarios, and human opinions. And all of those things are my favorite things to write about anyway. We know that it’s a lot of thanks to you all for being here and continuing to come back, so thank you 🙂

Any Fun Projects?

Oh yes. Remember when I was like, “January and February are so slow?” Well, I’m so glad that the older and wiser version of me just let those be slow instead of pitching and scrambling to fill the extra time and make money (or I would be drowning right now, which was the old me, I promise!). We are starting a few big design projects right now that have to be done by summer. A kitchen for my sister, a tiny house for a partner, and a feel-good room makeover for another partner. Additionally, we have the guest cottage that is the more fun project, which I’m learning to set aside time for (it’s hard when there is no deadline, y’all, and the kids are like “hang out with me!” at 4 pm). We also have a couple of friends and family projects (some sponsored, some not), another renovation coaching client, and lots of one-off content creation partnerships that we have to work into the schedule. I’m learning to “productivity block” even more to give myself enough time to get into the creative flow (think no meetings or shoots on at least 2 days a week, so that with Gretch, Marlee, and me can really lock in on Spoak and make design decisions or create social content). I’ve designed probably 400 rooms in my career, so I know that I have the capacity to handle a lot and work fast, but I can’t do it 1/2 hour here and there, which leads to serious burnout. We might even rent a house and go away for two days (2 weeks in a row) to see if we can finish the bulk of the details with zero other distractions.

My favorite part continues to be doing this with my team, my support, my everything for you all. Being gone for spring break with my kids, knowing that I didn’t have to even THINK about the blog, social media, and my partners, means so much to me. Knowing that these ladies do their jobs with such care, and that the systems are clearly working, makes me feel so so, so, so safe and happy. I know it’s probably weird to hear that I was out of the country for a week while stories show that I’m in Portland doing an outdoor makeover, but it’s the only way for me to run the business (with pre-taped partnerships that have to go live) while also having personal time with my family, disconnected from the feed. I would pop on at times and watch stories just like a follower, and was so delighted to see what I was up to 🙂 Of course, I always know what is going to happen (I’ve written and approved everything in advance, and we have an approval system if I missed something), but also a lot goes on that is more in the moment and so fun to watch. I’m really, really lucky.

Ask me anything in the comments. I’d love to do more AMA’s so if you throw them out there we’ll collect the questions and I’ll answer them soon. xx