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Design 101
How Do You Design A Home With A Partner? Caitlin’s Boyfriend Is Moving In – Here’s How They’re Merging Styles
Huge news: A MAN IS ABOUT TO MOVE INTO MY HOME. Okay, okay – I’ll concede that it might not sound like huge news to you (and that’s fair, because I am a random internet woman), but it’s a very big deal to me, a fully-grown 32-year-old adult who is gearing up to live with a partner for the very first time. This July – after 2.5 years of long-distance dating, nightly FaceTimes, and more plane rides than I can count – my boyfriend Dennis is departing the great state of Delaware (where we’re both from) in favor of the sunnier skies and vibrant city life of Los Angeles. I CANNOT WAIT.
But technically he’s not moving into MY home – he’s moving into OUR home. So today, I’d like to pose a question: how do you design with a partner? It’s a question I’m still working out, but I’d like to share some of the tips and tricks that Den and I have been keeping in mind – starting with understanding our partner’s inspiration and ending with some valuable ideas to consider for anyone else in our boat. (Please feel free to drop any of your cohabitation wisdom in the comments, too – I’m all ears and would love to hear anything you’ve found helpful, no matter how small!) Let’s kick it off by meeting the man of the hour, yeah?
A Lil’ Introduction
There he is! My best friend, my cat’s favorite person, and the only man I’ve ever met who can sing Mariah Carey by heart and on-key. He is silly and fun, an intimidatingly good dancer (though he’ll never admit it), the most thoughtful listener, an incredible taco chef, and I’ve found that he’s so easy to just be with – I’m always appreciative of his patience, willingness to help, and even-keeled energy. SAY HI TO DENNIS, OK? (PS. You’ll hear a bit from him below. Add “great sport” and “willing to put himself out there” to the list!!!)
We started talking about moving in together in 2022, but gave ourselves the time to adhere to the common cohabitation wisdom – we’ve solved problems together; we’ve traveled together. We know how to discuss the tough stuff and we’ve seen each other through times of stress and grief. We’ve talked about chores, bills, and all the realities of living and working in the same 1,100 square feet. And unlike a lot of long-distance couples, we’ve been lucky enough to get in a lot of in-person time – we’ve spent weeks (sometimes months!) living together in our respective apartments over the past few years, so we have a realistic idea as to what life looks like with the other person. I feel ready and excited and I genuinely can’t wait for “my” space to become “our” space. IS IT JULY YET????
Let The Fun Begin :)
As a quick refresh, this is the current state of the apartment in question. Den is making a number of huge sacrifices to move into this place with me – he’s leaving his friends, his enormous (and very welcoming!) family, and he’ll be working some early bird hours to align with his coworkers on the East Coast – so I really care about making this home feel like it represents us. LA is my favorite city in the world and I’m so excited to experience all our neighborhood has to offer together, but I want Den to feel like he’s really in his home and not just a guest in mine, you know?
Which brings us back to today’s topic: HOW THE HECK DO YOU DESIGN A HOME WITH A PARTNER? Or, in my case: how the heck do you design a home with a partner when you’ve made some very loud, very specific, and very permanent pre-existing design decisions?
Because y’all – she is loud. As it stands, the apartment is currently filled to the brim with brass, and lucite, and animal print, and weird sculptures, and there’s obviously no lack of color or pattern. And while many of these elements will remain (you’ll see those all wallpapers in reveals this year, I promise!), I’m so excited for the changes to come – think more subdued styling, multiple WFH areas, an increased focus on comfort (hello, lounge-able sofa!), and a more relaxed, less precious feel.
Since we’re combing our households from across the country, Den’s currently downsizing. He’ll bring his essentials – books, records, art, cooking tools, clothing, guitars, etc. – but he’ll move into the apartment as-is, and my hope is that we’ll finish furnishing it together in a functional, beautiful way that we both love. (Avid readers may have clocked that my dining room, bedroom, and kitchen reveals have been delayed – now you know why! I didn’t want to invest in pieces that didn’t make sense for each of us, you know? It felt wasteful to only consider my taste when I knew that my life and home would be changing so soon!)
Learn Your Partner’s Tastes
I knew Dennis had good taste from the moment I stepped into his apartment. He had rugs! He had fun art (in frames, no less! Hanging on the wall, and some in unexpected places!). He had a well-styled drop zone next to the front door, charming blue campaign-style end tables, and a graphic floral tablecloth draped across his desk! I love the way his home feels – it’s cozy and warm and personal – and I’m beyond eager to bring that same energy to our combined space. (Can’t you tell?)
We started our cohabitation design journey by sharing some inspiration images, which feels like a safe place to start. Den and I exchanged DMs on Instagram, but you can also start a Pinterest board – whatever you prefer! And here’s where I have a confession to make: stylistically, I’ve hit the roommate jackpot. As you’re about to see, Den’s not afraid of color, texture, or interest. Oftentimes, deciding on a mutual aesthetic can be a fraught or confrontational process – I’ve witnessed it firsthand, as my friends have moved in with their partners! – but Dennis has an awesome (and compatible) eye, which makes combining our households MUCH easier. (If you’re about to live with a partner and your styles aren’t totally meshing, never fear! I have some tips for you below. :)) Enough blabbing from me – are you ready to see the rooms that’ll be inspiring our shared space?
Here’s how Den described his taste: “I like a lot to look at and a lot of eye-catching things. But in a chill way. I need a place where I can simultaneously turn up and turn down. So I guess it would ideally look lived in and not like a room with just the bare minimum in it. Ultimately, I need a cool place to watch Columbo.“
My take? I’M OBSESSED. I love the color blocking, the cohesive, corralled collections of items (the candles on the left; books on the right!), how each piece is perfectly scaled, and how comfortable each space feels. They’re rooms that you can just live in, you know? They feel homey and warm and cozy, which is the energy I hope to capture (fingers crossed).
I’ve been on a big primary color kick lately, so I adored these. I love the timeless, deeper-toned woods, the colorful sofas, the punchy hits of red and yellow, and the classic patterns brought in through the rug on the left and the striped blanket on the right. The aesthetics may differ a bit, but both rooms capture the same energy – it’s that homey feeling that I mentioned above!
Speaking of bright sofas…how good are these?! I love the composition of both spaces – a statement-making rug, a full bookshelf (with killer art styling, of course), beautiful lighting, a nice dose of greenery, and a lounge-worthy sofa in a cheery, happy hue.
Who needs Bridgerton when you have a boyfriend who DMs you interiors by Pierce & Ward on Instagram?! BIG SWOON. Den liked how comfortable this living room was, and I totally agree. It shares a lot of stylistic elements with the previous spaces, too – a personal gallery wall, thoughtful collections on display, classic wood tones, and some playful color blocking (albeit in a more tonal way). I also love the quirky, whimsical elements here like the tiny wooden chairs, the simple-but-special end table used to define a seating area, and the irregular wicker lighting.
When exchanging inspiration with your partner, carve out some time to understand the why – what draws them to each room? What elements do they like? Is there anything in the photo that they don’t like? Are they looking to capture a vibe, or are they specifically attached to certain styles of furniture or decor? If you listen to understand, you’ll be able to find those stylistic throughlines. Added bonus: hearing your partner talk about design is SUPER FUN. Our homes are so important to each of us and it’s so interesting to learn what others value in their space!
Build A Plan Together
As promised, I wanted to provide a few of the tips and tricks I’ve been keeping in mind as we prepare for this next chapter. That being said, I don’t know everything (yet, and it’s not looking like I’ll be able to learn it all in my next 60ish years on the planet), so if I’m missing anything, PLEASE drop a little note in the comments. I’d love to make this an even better resource using experience from people who have, you know, actually lived with someone :)
- Edit, edit, edit: You’re about to become very acquainted with your local Goodwill, thrift store, Buy Nothing Group, or Facebook app. Take this opportunity to really evaluate your belongings and to consider what’s worth keeping! (If you’re also super sentimental and prone to keeping things forever, I’ve written about some simple mental framing that made cleaning out my home so much simpler!)
- You’re on the same team: It’s you AND your partner, not you VERSUS your partner! You’re both working together to build a home you love – be prepared to compromise, keep it respectful, and be patient with the process. Design always takes time – that’s okay!
- If you’re feeling hopeless, start with a color palette: Internally, the EHD team jokes that this is “the green effect,” because it’s the shade that most cohabitating couples lean towards for their first place. (Even I’m guilty of being drawn towards the green side of the color wheel, and you’ve seen Den’s colorful inspiration! But there’s no shame in the green game, trust me.)
- Prioritize the essential spaces: For us, it’s building 2 work-from-home spaces in separate areas. I spend a lot of time on Zoom and Den will need to be communicating with his team, so nailing down our workstations will be priority number one. (Priority #2? A sofa we can both stretch out on!)
- Pick a feel, not a look: Labels prohibit you. Instead of focusing on your specific styles, pick a few words that’ll capture the energy of your finished space. Trying to design a space that’s a perfect 50/50 representation of each person is tough – it’s much easier to work together when you’re both focused on the vision of a “warm, cozy, collected, and colorful” home. Focusing on the feeling opens the door for a bit of serendipity – maybe you’ll discover a love for an aesthetic you never would have considered!
- Understand the hard no’s: I love all design, but there’s a few things I won’t do: faux black leather, bad wood veneer, and cheap tufting. Den’s list includes overly ornate spaces, rooms that feel fussy, and gauche, ultra-loud rooms. (The current level of loud in the apartment is acceptable, thankfully.) It’s great to get these out in the open, as it means that anything else is up for discussion and open for compromise!
- Keep scale in mind: This one is especially important if you’re combining homes – will your coffee table fit with their sectional? Do their chairs slide under your antique dining table? Before you part with everything, make sure that the scale is still functional!
- Make space just for you: Personal space is important! Find a place in your new home that feels like you – maybe it’s a reading chair, a vanity nook, a decked-out bathtub, or an arts and crafts area. Whatever the use, it’s nice to have a spot that you can feel some ownership over, no matter the size.
We officially kicked off the moving process five days ago (!!!) with these two big ol’ suitcases filled with Den’s belongings. (Borrowed from Brenda, of course. She’s the MVP and I am very grateful for her support!!!) We’re finalizing a few big pieces before he gets here – another dresser for the bedroom, some good office chairs, and maybe even a sectional – but more than anything, I’m just excited to hang out with my best friend every day. The spaces will come together in time and there’s no one else I’d rather design them with. :) But seriously, PLEASE DROP ME YOUR TIPS, ADVICE, OR WORDS OF WISDOM BELOW. I’d love to learn what worked for you!
Wish me luck!!!! I’ll keep you posted on the progress. xx
PS. Den just reminded me that today is our anniversary!!! What a fitting day for this post to go live. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, DPK – excited to do another trip around the sun with you. Love you big time!!! 🧑🌾🫑
Opening Image Credits: Design by Caitlin Higgins (me!) | Styled by Emily Bowser | Photo by Sara Ligorria-Tramp | From: The Reveal We’ve All Been Waiting For! Caitlin’s Mostly Thrifted, Postmodern Regency Deco Living Room
Up early this morning after a rough night of restless sleep. I was feeling irritable and frustrated, but it this post put an unexpected smile on my face. Your love shines through! I’m so happy for you. Have been reading for years and it is so wonderful to see your growth. Dennis, you have a keeper! Best wishes to you both. xoxo
i had a tough time sleeping last night, too, so i TOTALLY understand the feeling. but your note had the same effect on me – thank you so much for taking the time to write some kind words. it means a lot to me :) here’s to a better night’s rest!! xx
Congratulations to you both! I love how excited you are, it’s infectious :) I love the inspo photos and I’m looking forward to see how your spaces evolve (the collective “you” of course, not just you personally). I think your tips are really solid as well, especially the piece about “hard nos” – my now-husband and I have pretty similar taste, thankfully, but on the rare occasions that we disagree on an item or a design element, we don’t try to convince the person who has a visceral “no” reaction. There’s always another option out there!
ah, thank you! such a good reminder about visceral reactions – there really is always another option out there! and the hunt is my favorite part, so it’s a win/win :)
I can feel your excitement! Have so much fun you two!!
thank you!!
Excited for you!!!! Dennis seems awesome and you’re one of my fav online writers/personalities so I’m happy that you found each other. My tried and true suggestion is to ask yourself when annoyed with your partner, “is this a roommate issue or a relationship issue?” Adjust your conversational approach and interpretation accordingly…ex wen we first got married, my husband did not leave his socks on the kitchen table “at me” because he doesn’t value me as a partner. He did it because he’s used to living with boys and apparently they’re gross.
i’m blushing! he IS awesome.
that is SUCH A GOOD SUGGESTION – thanks so much for sharing the wisdom. what a helpful framework to keep in mind! definitely adding to the list. xx
He’s adorably cute!!! After 13 years of marriage and then another 13 years of living with my current partner , I would say the phrase “let it go” is what I live by. The other one we use a lot is “is this the hill you want to die on?” Usually no. The things that are a hard NO for me are behaviors and not spaces. That said we can’t agree on what color to paint the house exterior and it feels so permanent that we are paralyzed. One great thing we did was hire a consultant for an hour to help with our living room redesign. Even though we had been together 12 years and knew what we liked, she helped us get unstuck by bringing in a fresh perspective that was neutral. Well worth the $. Another huge one is being deliberate about leaving our space regularly. When we are both home all the time we see all the to do lists and can get stuck in task mode or room mate mode, vs leaving and focusing on each other and not the space itself.
he is!!! i still love lookin at him, even after all this time. (he was on my radar for years before we started dating!)
thanks for the great reminders – especially the one to do stuff! we typically find ourselves spending all of our time at home, and there is so much to do and explore out here! we definitely need to get some planned excursions on the calendar, lest we never leave the apartment haha.
(and to the ehd gals – i might call you in if we land in a design dilemma! great idea for getting unstuck.)
Couldn’t agree more! As a second marriage, moving into his space, we had a hodgepodge of styles for quite some time. Let’s figure out the dynamics of the relationship first and the decorating second.
I’m excited for this!! My male partner is the interior decorator and collector and magic magnet of cool things in any thrift store (it’s like they are waiting for him…eerie) and it has been challenging when one person has the vision and skill and the other (me) still wants a voice in the process. Especially when we lived in a postage stamp size apartment. Grateful we live in a bigger space now and I rely on his abilities and feel supported by them- most of the time lol
what is it with dudes and great thrift energy?! den scoured delaware’s vintage stores and antique malls and found THE BEST STUFF for me last christmas. sounds like we are both lucky beneficiaries :)
Anni brings up such a good point! How do couples navigate a situation like home decorating when one person has more interest, knowledge, and thrift store magic than the other, without leaving the other person unrepresented and feeling left out of the process?
This has been VERY tricky, for my partner and I to navigate. We’ll be married in the fall, and I am a designer who has been in my small cottage for 25 years and while I renovated as cheaply as possible when i was in my 20s, it’s really time to blow up the house and make it work for the two of us. I have the equity do pretty much what I want, but we have very different design styles. He’s drawn to a more mid-century aesthetic which leans somewhat kitchy, and my taste is to go more for what the house demands. It’s hard to add modern to a beamed, woodsy cottage. He’s got a lot of great art I want to incorporate, but in a small house without a lot of wall space, we are going to have a tough time editiing. The upstairs den overlooking the water can definitely go more modern. I told him he’s welcome to pick especially a sectional, but and I know this sounds a tad controlling, I am going to have to have veto power over a lot. This will be photographed professionally as part of my portfolio and shot for… Read more »
Caitlin (or anyone else), I presume you’ll have to pass on some of the unique furniture pieces you’ve curated in your home to make space for the new person and life. How do you emotionally navigate the letting go, especially when you worked so hard to hunt them down and they fit so perfectly with your vision? I feel like that would be the hardest part for me… unless I can reframe it as an excuse to shop again LOL
oh my gosh – i love this question! i’m curious what others think. for me, i think my answer is going to be a bit (ok, VERY) gauche: for me, it’s the money. (ahh!!!) i don’t mean it in an “oh my gosh, i’ll be too busy laughing my way to the bank” way, though! i try to fill my home with vintage pieces that retain their value, and i think this has transformed the way i feel about those pieces. take my sofa, for example – it cost me $4,000 (the most i’ve ever spent on anything!), but i know i’ll be able to sell it for at least the same price. so instead of feeling like i’m losing something, i feel more like a steward – like i put down a deposit, enjoyed a few years with the piece, and like it’s finally time to return it back into the universe for others to use and enjoy. once it’s sold, i’ll have more than enough to find a replacement piece i love (with no cash spent out of my own pocket!), and the cycle begins again. there are obviously a few pieces i’ll never part with (i have… Read more »
Yay! You seem so happy and well-suited – wishing you the best in all this phase brings! One of the best things about my husband design-wise is that he always makes my ideas better by pushing back. I won’t go through with something until he is completely on board (or at least 75%, sometimes he is stingy) so it forces me to listen to his feedback, revise and revise, and in the end we always end up in the best place – far better than my original idea. So my advice is to take the feedback!
i love to hear this! den’s such a sweetie and he knows this is my job, so he often defers to my judgement (“you have to deal with the comments,” he jokes, lol) but i know his ideas and preferences can really make our place better! i gotta show him this one later :)
#one for me is a corner just for Dennis from the get-go. He needs to have a chair/desk/nook/whatever to feel like him with his things. I see you have that on the list. You can build from that.
In our marriage, if I wanted to replace any big-ticket item, we’d first agree we needed it. Then I’d do the leg work and come up with several options. Then we’d visit a couple stores (this was back when shopping was in person). He’d get heard, and we’d get furniture we both liked. If I was working on a whole room, I’d keep him dialed in along the way but only get him involved near the end. That’s what worked for us.
Best wishes on this new adventure!
this sounds similar to what we’ve been trying! i’m doing a lot of sourcing (for now, at least!), and sending any viable options to dennis for feedback. i’ve been enjoying the workflow so i’m pleased to hear that it’s worked so well for you! thanks so much. :) xx
I love that Dennis watches Columbo. He’s for sure a keeper even if he had awful taste and moved in with a giant black leather reclining sofa.
HAHAH. laughed out loud. i sent him a picture of this one :)
totally agreed, too. last week, he had a sore throat and headache – that i had passed on to him!!! – but he still took time on an 85 degree day to help me schlep my mom’s big, sturdy iron patio furniture back onto her newly-refinished sun porch. he’s the absolute best – the taste is all a bonus :)
This was such a delight to read :) I generally find that when my husband dislikes something I’ve picked, what I end up finding instead is even better! There are things each of us like that the other detests; we stay away from those. But we found the overlap — and combining styles makes our home more varied and thoughtful.
notes like this make me even more excited to see what our place turns into! thank you so much :)
So exciting for you. Best wishes. Similarly to what others said, in our home we have a power of veto over whatever the other person wants to bring into the house. If one doesn’t like it, we look for something we both like enough to have in our home. It has worked quite well for a very long time.
thank you!!! this sounds like such a nice dynamic. i’m happy to hear that there are so many great design partners out there!
Y’all are precious and wonderful. So glad you have this adventure to share together!!
thank you :) xx
you need to post a video of Dennis singing Maria Carey!!!
ask and you shall receive, hehe:
saw this clip the month before we met and just knew i would love him. (i mean, the dedication to the high note at 1 minute? come on!!!) we’ve been on our fair share of 8 hour road trips since and i can confirm that he always makes being in the car SO MUCH MORE FUN :)
Yes, just watched it!!! So good!
I have a new, if untested, theory about bringing the idea of a Venn diagram to interior design. Just like a Venn diagram links shared attributes between two different concepts, perhaps it can be used to find shared design tastes between two people? I know it’s a sort of simplistic way of sorting ideas, but considering how heated and personal things like one’s preferences and style can be, maybe moving those ideas into a Elementary School level could make things less high stakes.
This makes sense to me! When my husband and I first moved in together we really struggled to figure out a style that worked for both of us – he’s super modern in his taste and I’m an art historian who loves all things old/vintage. Over time, he’s become more open to my taste and I to his. It’s a bit of an eclectic blend but we’ve found the place on the Venn diagram where we overlap. As long as he has his tech room to himself, LOL!
this would make such a fun website idea! i’d love if we both had a little thumbs up/thumbs down tool that showed us a venn diagram of our individual styles alongside our overlap! (do i need to make one with chatgpt?!)
No advice, I just wanted to say congrats, he seems like a keeper and of course you are. I wish you many years of love and fun.
thank you so much!! it’s really appreciated :) xx
Literally teared up reading this…LOVE BOTH OF YOU GUYS SO MUCH, so so happy for you!!!
THANK YOU!!! i’m sure i’ll see you in a few weeks!!!! xxxxxxx
(guys, this is one of den’s friends, and she was already a blog reader! his social circle rocks. green flag or greenest flag?!)
Oh Caitlin I’m so happy for you! You are my favorite writer! You make me laugh and smile every time I read something of yours. You are so blessed to have found a soul mate that is equally fun and darling. At my current stage of design, I’m more into neutrals, but I have had and still have my color moments and I just love seeing your work and designs. I cannot wait to see what Dennis brings to your home. My husband and I will celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary at the end of June and the one thing we always stick to is “chose your battles”, there are some (maybe a lot – haha) that are just not worth arguing about. And Dennis – you are such a joy. I love music and listen to it all day long. Just finished watching your video and dang, boy – you are good, Take care you two and much happiness always ❤️
pam, this is such a kind note! making me tear up :’) thank you so much – i’m really touched! sending all the best to you and your husband – congratulations on 50 years! <3 xx
Echoing what you and others have said and making sure both of you have veto power, especially over general color palettes and larger pieces. My husband and I both like mid-century, but he’s more modern/neutral in general and I lean a little more colorful/twee so I just try to make sure that larger or investment pieces are more of a mid-century vibe and then I layer in nonsense in soft furnishings, art, lamps, etc. That way if he truly hates something, it’s not a big ol’ problem to let it go.
i feel like this is just great design advice, period! i love your example, too. one of the sectionals i’m eyeing is actually super MCM-inspired – maybe this is a sign to get that order placed!
Understanding position vs. interest is key. We often take a position (like I need my own bathroom) because we think it addresses our own unstated interest (which could be “I’m a slob” or “I take a long time in there at 6am” or “I have tons of grooming gear and like it organized just so”). If you can share the interest underlying your position, new options can open up that you wouldn’t have thought of, things like, “What if we put a vanity in our bedroom?” or “You know I sleep until at least 7am so that doesn’t matter.” Think about what you each want to DO in your space — read more, work from home, eat more vegetables, have group movie nights etc. Keep those do goals in mind as you create your environment so it supports your goals and makes reaching your them easier instead of being a challenge to overcome. Make one best place to do the things that are important to you — that place should be near perfect for what you want to do in it. Lastly, don’t try to do everything as a couple – you can each have some of your own friends,… Read more »
House deco is a bit girly for a man. Hoping both of you can agree on making a home and what’s important for both of you.
Congratulations! Lovely to read such a warm and loving post. Dennis sounds like a wonderful person and I hope you are very happy in your LA nest. Very much looking forward to the future joint reveals!!!
Just lost my whole big comment, arg.
It was essentially about starting with functions—what has to happen and what fits into what spot best. I mean, there are many different things that could be defined as the central use of a kitchen or bedroom, and otoh, many different places a home gym might fit in. That’s where I’d begin—figuring out all the stuff. Aesthetics come later.
Congrats to you guys!
+1 to all of the wonderful comments you already have, but I’ll add that my husband and I designed and built a home together in addition to the normal decorating. We stole a term from work and for many parts of the project that had the potential to get “sticky”, we predefined who the decisionmaker ultimately was. Visceral reactions get veto power, but the primary user gets to decide. This simplified many of our decisions and kept the agonizing to a minimum. So excited for you two!
So happy for you Caitlin! Would love to hear the story of how you met etc! Love following along and I wish you both well!
I read a piece of advice early in our cohabitation that I’m pretty sure saves our relationship on a monthly basis: resist the urge to take small behavioural mistakes as signs of fundamental personality flaws. eg. when your mind starts going the “They didn’t file the bills in the correct folder because they never listen to me because they fundamentally don’t respect me” rabbit hole, you need to make a conscious effort to stop it. Because there are lots of day-to-day annoyances when you live together, so if you inject symbolism into everything you’ll lose your mind.
Congratulations, I’m so happy for you! Love everything: your excitement, how perfect he seems for you, your apartment, his inspiration…everythings’s adorable. Best wishes!
A man with a tablecloth?! Snap him up! But seriously, he’s so handsome and how wonderful that he cares about design too. Happy anniversary, and happy cohabitation to you both!
Don’t sweat the small stuff. My husband of 30 years, was 46 when we got married and I was 36. He is less tidy than I am so I often pick up after him because it bothers me more than it bothers him. He rarely closed his bi-fold closet doors because he just didn’t see it. I realized that it was a no-brainer for me to close them since I do see it and it does bother me. I’d much prefer taking literally 5 seconds to close the doors than to feel annoyed and to complain to him about it. Occasionally I will ask him, “where does this go?” when I’m tired of seeing his things cluttering the kitchen island and he’ll take that as a cue to put things away or tell me where they go and I’ll happily put it away. He does 99% of the cooking and puts up with my quirks so I feel it’s a fair trade. Plus he gets me and he’s good for me and I’m good for him so why not enjoy that! So happy for you and Den and can’t wait to see how you design y’alls space together.
Congrats you two!
Due to the excessive levels of inspiration in this surprisingly intimate post (I’m having all sorts of tender feelings about this cohabitive adventure you and Dennis are collaborating on : ) it has taken me days to reach the comment section! On top of the visual feast and notes of emotion I found your tips helpful for fine tuning my understanding of my own design aesthetic. Good stuff Caitlin -and Dennis!- thanks to you both for sharing. PS. Yes, I know ‘cohabitive’ isn’t technically a word -but maybe it should be!
My husband is not interested in design, but does have very strong opinions about what he likes and doesn’t like. At first, this was very frustrating to me until I realized that asking him specific questions about what he liked and didn’t like about an item gave me a wealth of information About the items I sourced. Instead of viewing his input as challenging, it became a game to find items that met both of our desires. Initially for him, he just didn’t like the sofa, but he didn’t know why. After asking him things like do you like the arms? Do you like the back? Do you like the fabric? do you like the legs? He Began to understand what he didn’t didn’t like and I of course, was able to source items that appealed to both of us. About 10 years ago, we renovated our attic into a third floor. A lot of decisions ensued. During that time we realized that every decision was not huge to us. We then decided to institute a method whereby the person with the strong opinion could make the choice if the other person really didn’t care one way or the other.… Read more »
Hello, Dennis! Sounds like you two are pretty compatible already, design-wise! My advice is, if there’s anything in the space that either of you really hates, get rid of it!
Ok so Dennis is clearly awesome (he and my husband have the same initials, and I also call my guy DPK!!), but can I just say that I LOVE how intentional you’re being about making a shared home? Both of your attitudes and effort towards this process really bode well, in my totally uninformed outsider opinion. Just lovely to read! Good luck, and I can’t wait to see how it all evolves. :)
I would have loved to see photos of Dennis’s current place. I think all of his records and his blue tables will fit in with your current things very well, and I look forward to seeing the place evolve! Please don’t touch your bathroom though, I love it so much. LOL When I moved in with my now-husband in 2004 I had been living alone for a decade in my girly Pier One Moroccan themed studio so it was a ROUGH transition. We got a totally new apartment for a clean slate, but he came with a lot of cheap looking bachelor pad stuff, and thousands of books, DVDs and VHS tapes in big black bookcases (he’s a collector). I cried a lot of actual tears the first year trying to make it work until he finally agreed he had out-grown many of those cheap things and we bought new things together that we both liked. I found stylish MCM storage pieces for all of his collections and now we are both very happy in our apartment. I think maybe 5% of what either of us came with still remains. Wishing you the best of luck in this exciting time!… Read more »
Congratulations on this next big step! You two look so cute (and happy) together. Caitlin, you looked especially pretty in the yellow dress on your way to a wedding. Best of luck settling in—I’m sure you’ll do great. Please do give us updates on how the apartment (and living together) is going.