Ok, this is for the many of you who asked how we did our own “DIY wellness” retreat/weekend without staying at an expensive “wellness resort” with all the things built in. It was inspired by a trip that my best friends and I took to Canyon Ranch (and a very popular recent blog post), where we got a 90% off discount (thanks to my SIL, who worked there at the time). It was pretty different from any other girls’ trip… and totally life-changing. But the price tag would have been crazy high without the discount. So we took the same itinerary and tried to re-create it six months later at an Airbnb. It was awesome (not as strict, but so great). Now, admittedly, I feel silly writing this as it’s pretty obvious how to make healthy choices, but I’m a Virgo and my team told me to “be bossy about it,” so here we go (and I do have some solid ideas and tips based on my experience).

*First off, this is not for every girl’s trips – it’s definitely more “work”. Some of you are in the thick of parenting toddlers and need to blow off steam, or maybe you haven’t seen your friends in years, and you really want to rehash your college days by sitting around or going nuts at a club. Or maybe you are the boomer generation, where self-help isn’t really your hobby. This is for when you are craving time and space to work on yourself with your closest friends (or partners or solo), and you want to come back home feeling physically, spiritually, and mentally better than when you left. I don’t do this every time, mostly in the winter/spring after the holidays, when I’m feeling really self-improvement-y or any time when I have a huge problem that is weighing on me that I want to tackle that requires real study, time, and space. 

In Advance: Set An Intention

Yes, we are going there. What part of your life do you want to improve? What is making you anxious or sad frequently?? Identify the thing you want to do better in your life and tackle one at a time.

This is the part of the weekend that I didn’t do before that first one at Canyon Ranch, but it was transformative for me. My biggest battle (which developed in the last 8 years – hello social media!) was negative self-talk, a lot of “you are too old” or “you are irrelevant” spiraling, which was terrible for every part of my life (not a “my life sucks” but more a “I suck” rumination). But it could be anything: a parenting challenge, relationship/marriage issues, needing spiritual growth, grief, financial growth, business/leadership, general motivation, etc.  For example, a couple of years ago, I had a really difficult decision to make about an employee whom I cared for deeply, and I had so much anxiety about doing the right thing. So I brought two Brené Brown books on a solo health weekend, and after 2 days/nights of studying and journaling and having real time and space to think about it, I was able to come back with a clear head and a kind heart to handle it the best way possible (and it worked out so well for all parties). Before that weekend, I had such anxiety, and afterwards I was so empowered. I did the same thing with my anxiety around how we are raising our kids with far more means than how I was raised. My constant anxiety about “how badly am I messing them up??” was real. So I read The Opposite of Spoiled over a weekend, and it totally empowered me and solidified (and shifted) some parenting methods on how we now handle allowance, chores, vacations, service, giving back, savings, the future, and all conversations about money, etc. But on a normal week, I never have time to deep dive into it, and instead, I just ruminate on what I’m doing wrong, and the anxieties pile on.

*To be clear… none of this will solve your problems and certainly not the world problems or the systemic stuff that we all suffer inside of, but it can help empower shifts with tools/methods and help you regulate emotions through challenges. 

For General Self-Improvement (I.E., If You Are Feeling Depressed Or Negative), These Are Books That I Have Really Loved:

I am NOT a self-help guru, just a really curious consumer of it all. Here’s what I have really connected to, and that has helped with real growth in my life.

The Power of Now (Eckhart Tolle): Buddhism, and framed in a digestible way.  
Super-Attractor (Gabrielle Bernstein): In the same vein as The Secret, with a good mix of spirituality and so many actionable steps. This book and the work around it got me out of a negative self-talk spiral, and when I see myself slipping into the same pattern, I reference it all the time. Tools! 
Signs and Guided (Laura Lynn Jackson): Both of these are incredible if you are curious about life after death (in a way that might feel hopeful). 
Many Lives, Many Masters (Brian L. Weiss M.D.): This helped me take the pressure off this one life and recognize my soul family:)

On Happiness and Middle Age: 

From Strength to Strength (Arthur C. Brooks): This book focuses on the wisdom of the second half of your life, which got me out of a huge self-esteem spiral (I have wisdom now!). 
The 5 Second Rule and The Let Them Theory (Mel Robbins): Not my favorite, but admittedly, her books are powerful for people. I do use the 5,4,3,2,1 method all the time (yes, and the “Let them” theory).
Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself (Dr. Joe Dispenza): Many people I know personally say these are life-changing meditations. I found his books are harder to just pick up as they are super science-based, but I love him on podcasts or the video series. 

Parenting: My Favorite Parenting Experts Actually Make You Feel Empowered, Not Shamed

Good Inside (Dr. Becky): For younger kids, toddler – tween.
Untangled (Lisa Damour): For tweens and teens (I feel so much more prepared).
The Anxious Generation (Jonathan Haidt): For all (and especially regarding tech/social media). 
Notes on Being a Man (Scott Galloway): Good book on raising boys now. 
Grit (Angela Duckworth): Even Brian loved this book.
All About Love (bell hooks): This really helped a friend of mine through a challenging parenting situation. 

Business/Leadership (Specifically For Those Who Want To Choose People Over Profits – No Elon Musk Types Here):

Dare to Lead (Brené Brown): Hands down, my hero when it comes to HR practices and thinking big about business growth and what type of business I really want to be (versus expected to be).
Start with Why (Simon Sinek): This one taught me the power of “Why” (which leads to clarity). 
The Power of Regret (Daniel Pink): His book on regrets helped me really prioritize my life. 
Rocket Fuel (Gino Wickman and Mark C. Winters): Helped me realize my biggest failure in running the business (and then I fixed it).

*These were mine based on my challenges, but obviously, leave any in the comments that you’ve loved from your own experiences.

Ok, now you are armed with your intent and your homework. Here’s all the stuff to consider, some suggestions that worked for me/us, but obviously do what works for you. I get very specific and granular, so you can ignore it all or just take some pieces. 

Weekend Rules: 

1. Agree to the terms – You can go full “health” or a mix of health and party (or just full fun hang). Everyone needs to be on the same page, or else this might be a bummer, so talk in advance. For instance, I have a girls’ trip coming up where we are mixing wellness with chill party vibes in Arizona. We bought day passes for one day at Civana (a health resort that has fitness classes included, spa, numerology, cold plunge/sauna, etc), with the next day a hike + wine by the pool at the Airbnb, and finishing with a rowdy line dancing night out. But for the sake of this conversation, it will be more on the “coming home feeling better” goal. I’m going to assume you guys know how to do a party weekend on your own:) 
2. Resist Scrolling and phone use – I’m not saying “no phones allowed,” but at Canyon Ranch, it was really restricted, only allowed at certain places, which absolutely made a difference. 
3. No Guilt (“Mom” or Otherwise) – You will come back a better human, a more patient mom, a more grateful partner or present friend, a better, more regulated leader/employee. This is an “oxygen mask goes on you first” situation. You should actually feel guilty if you don’t take time to care for yourself and nurture your friendships. Period. 
4. Get your homework – i.e., the thing you are wanting to work on (see above).

Where To Stay: 

Pick a rental house location with easy access to nature (bonus points for a body of water to dip in) outside of the city. More people = more energy (not in a good way), and we are looking for peace here, not traffic (and to not be tempted by nightlife or shopping). I find that getting in the car is the first barrier to almost anything, but walks or hikes are kinda key to the weekend, so book a house with easy access to nature.

We went to the Oregon Coast, which has a huge sense of space/peace. And even though we were in a sleepy neighborhood, the beach obviously made for easy long walks right outside our door. Think about sleeping arrangements. I don’t love sharing a bed (I won’t sleep as well, but I don’t mind a twin bunk), so plan for what will help you get the best sleep (very important), and obviously, a kitchen to cook in is key. Bonus points for views, a fireplace, or a hot tub. 

Divide Up (Or Assign) Meals, And Plan Them Out: 

Eating healthy simply takes more planning, and you don’t have to cook every meal, but we find that not having to get in the car for every meal was crucial to feeling chill and making healthy choices. Everyone was in charge of a meal (bringing all the ingredients), and everyone else helped execute. It’s also nurturing to cook together and make something homemade, but certainly mixing takeout or going out is legal (especially if you cook a lot at home and need a break!)

Sample Itinerary

OK, if left to our own devices (or vices), we all (read: I will) do the easiest and most fun thing. A typical girls’ weekend might include typical indulgences: shopping, big lunches out, drinking, talking, staying up late, wine-tasting, sleeping in, and watching garbage TV together. NOTHING IS WRONG WITH THIS. But it’s just a different trip. A wellness weekend requires you to make the alternative/better choices for yourself, which you kinda have to plan in advance (or be bossy about, like I clearly am right now). Again, not everyone wants to do this, and I totally get it. 

Night One:

A chill, healthy dinner in or out (soup?), catching up, and sure, maybe slowly sipping on wine, but don’t stay up past 10:30 or overindulge. At Canyon Ranch, we were in our own rooms/beds by 7:30 pm, asleep by 9 pm, and woke up at dawn to journal. You’ve got a big day tomorrow! Sleep is CRUCIAL to you coming back feeling better than when you left. Bring a good novel or something you are excited to listen to to go to bed. I wrote a whole post about my favorite romance books, should you want any suggestions (I read the homework books during the day, but still wanted my cozy rom-coms at night). Choose sleep over talking/drinking – you have all weekend to catch up! 

First Morning: 

7-8 am: Slow, quiet morning. Coffee, reading, journaling (gratitude practice – it works), walking, talking, breakfast. NO SCROLLING. We all know this doesn’t serve us. Also, ideally, no work. This is your time to connect to yourself and your friends and disconnect from our patterns.

8:30-10 am: TIME TO MOVE YOUR BODY

We did two workouts – one harder (bodyweight cardio) and one yoga, in addition to hikes/long walks. They were both short, I promise 🙂 But one really long walk could be all you want. 

*Don’t skip this even though you might be tempted: It’s the #1 thing you can do for yourself that costs nothing and has the highest impact on our mental and physical health. It also makes you receive all the work you are about to do in the best way. Its like you are priming your brain to be happier and ready for growth. The dopamine and endorphins are so real and effective.

8:30 Workout #1: Get your heart rate up. My friend Megan led us in a 30-minute bodyweight HITT class, but if you don’t have a Megan, I love the fitness app Apptiv, and there are a ton of YouTube workouts you could do, too. If you do Aaptive, I like Akeem as a trainer, the best, and Jade as the yoga instructor.

*Hot Tip – tell everyone it’s 20 minutes (more palpable) but choose a 30-minute routine. They’ll thank you! Oh, and bring bluetooth speaker.

Workout #2: Yoga or pilates. I put on a yoga class (again, Apptiv or YouTube) and we all did that for 30 minutes. Stretch and chat afterwards, and pat yourself on the back. You just finished the most annoying and crucial part of the day!! 

*Alternatives – A 3-5 mile hike or hilly walk. Maybe add lunges, jump squats, or pushups on a bench as you watch. Bonus points for a weighted vest. Just make it challenging so you really feel your body, and can feel like you pushed yourself.  

10-11:30 am: Free time: long walk or reading/journaling. 

First Day Lunch

Ok, this is where you can take two different paths. Either way, try to choose a healthy lunch, but you could totally keep it dry (no wine) or have ONE glass of wine knowing that what you choose might shift your day, but that’s ok. As you know, one glass of wine means you can basically do anything with slightly less motivation (but looser), 2 glasses means you are going to a spa and getting a massage (also self-care) or nap, but not a hike or reading any self-improvement. My recommendation is day 1 stay dry at lunch, day 2 do whatever you want because you are going to go the spa route.

After Lunch – Mid-Day Options/Ideas: 

1. Reading, journaling, discussing – Best on day 1 to make sure you get that time in.
2. Book an astrologer, spiritual counselor, medium, angel messaging, numerology, Tarot, etc. 
3. Take an Enneagram or human design test (similar to Myers-Briggs but more actionable imho). I love this book for beginners, and this one for digging in. I just bought this book for Human Design. 

At Canyon Ranch, since alcohol wasn’t an option, the second half of each day was a mix of the above.

The spirituality stuff can be so thought-provoking and bonding (and creates hours of fun conversation), but certainly on the woo-woo side and not for everyone. If you are religious, Christian, for instance, and this doesn’t align with your beliefs, then maybe a bible study/reflection would feel good to you. But I love the group conversation that can be provoked about spirituality (especially as we get older). A lot of the wellness resorts have people on staff (or built within their programming), with varying degrees of experience. For the DIY version, I wouldn’t try tarot or palm reading yourself (I have and got anxiety-inducing results), but there might be someone in town that you can hire to come to you (read reviews). 

I’m super into Enneagrams (thanks to Emily Bowser, who is basically an expert on it) and have found it extremely useful (and fun!) in my life to help monitor my patterns (I’m a 7). I’m newly into Human Design and really loving what I’m learning thus far. This can totally be a group quiz that you take at the same time, and I think it’s super fun, personally. 

First Night Dinner:

Keep it pretty healthy and on the rails. Stay in and cook something cozy and talk. Asleep by 10:30 pm.

Day Two:

Ok, same morning, but maybe you take a big hike today instead of the workouts. Plan it in advance, or it might not happen.

Second Lunch:

As I said in the “day one” lunch rules, there are no rules for day two lunch! Go to the spa if that’s something on the agenda, eat out, and have great conversations. We tend to still go light on the booze, if at all, but this is a choose-your-own-adventure weekend. We also generally have lots of greens and food that makes us feel really good, since that’s the point of our weekends.

Feel free to have more fun today because your afternoon activities don’t require the same mental energy.

1. Spa services (massages + facials + body treatment) – Best on day 2. Come back feeling fresh!
2. Vision boarding – So fun to do together. If you are within driving distance and can bring all the supplies (magazines, scissors, glue sticks, and poster board). And this one is more for fun while sipping wine – so a great day 2 afternoon activity. 
3. An additional huge hike
4. Book an astrologer, spiritual counselor, medium, angel messaging, numerology, Tarot, etc. (if you didn’t on day one).
5. Take an enneogram or human design test (if you didn’t on day one).

Second Night Dinner:

You know the deal: This is where you can make the choice to have some fun or come back feeling really, really rested. I’d say if you are on the fence, choose the “rested” route, but if the group needs that fun night hang, then go for it.

I think you get it at this point. Choose the healthy choice and don’t overindulge (or at least not until the last night). Focus on working on what is ailing you, connecting with your body and your friends/family, learning, engaging in big conversations, sleeping, nourishing your body, and coming back as a more regulated, healthy, better version of yourself. You won’t need to “recover” from the weekend; this was the recovery you needed. 

But it’s a harder choice to make, for sure. And I’m easily prone to making the more fun choice, which is why the clear intent is so important. This is also why the resorts are so successful and enticing – everything is built in, and often you are paying for all of it in the overall price, so not doing it (skipping the fitness classes or self-improvement sessions) is financially dumb. It’s like going to an all-inclusive resort and paying for outside food – just doesn’t make sense. 

It’s all privileged stuff, as you know. Having the time, space, and bandwidth (and money) to even DIY this is a privilege, and talking about it does feel weird. But if you are struggling or battling overwhelm, it can be the reset you need, which can have a positive ripple effect on all the parts of your life and every single relationship (which is a net positive for more than just you). Yes, it’s about personal growth, but it’s less individualistic than that. It’s also about being more regulated and finding clarity in the overwhelm, which is so necessary to be a good boss, employee, wife/partner, mom, and citizen.

If you’ve read this far (look at you!) its clear you are interested, and again I KNOW it’s not for everyone. I’m a big “take what you connect with, ignore what bugs you” person, which I know isn’t everyone’s personality tendency. I’m happy to answer questions in the comments. Thanks for reading, and seriously, any tips for others in the comments are so appreciated by all!!

Opening Image Credits: Photo by Sara Ligorria-Tramp | From: My Girls Weekend at The Ojai Valley Inn