Happy Sunday folks. If you are wondering how to celebrate Easter this year, or just running out of things to do with your family, Emily wrote about what she is planning for today here. And if you aren’t celebrating at all and are looking for a quick and fun read, you’ve come to the right place! As usual, EHD has some great recommendations in store so let’s get to it:
Today’s home tour (via The Design Files) is the exciting, colorful treat we needed. Earlier this week we were talking about how people are embracing more color nowadays since we are in our homes so much more. Minimalism, it seems, is going by the wayside. Do you agree?
From Emily: “Brian and I finally joined the world of “growm-ups” as Birdie calls us and bought our first food processor (based on Brian’s research and reviews) and first mixer!!!! Brian insisted we buy the gray one on closeout to save money (I didn’t disagree since I have no idea how much use it will get) but I personally love the blue one more. :)”
From Sara: “I have this weird thing where at night it feels like I’m having to WORK to keep my eyes closed, and any little amount of light makes it impossible for me to sleep. I’ve tried several sleep masks, but just recently got this one and love it. It looks absolutely ridiculous, but it’s super comfortable, blocks out all light, and puts a nice light pressure on my eyelids which helps with my weird “eyelids working too hard to stay closed” issue.”
From Jess: “In a time when I feel like I should have all the time in the world to take care of myself, I haven’t been. So when I looked in the mirror two weeks into the quarantine with my dark circles, more blemishes than normal and greasy hair, I knew I that some outside self-care was imperative to my diminishing mental state. So after seeing one of my best friend’s instastories trying her hairdresser’s “How to Get Wavy Hair, No Heat Required” I thought THIS is it! Calla Dawn (her hairdresser) has a “Get Wavy” highlight on her profile giving you a step by step how-to and product recs. I bought what my friend uses for her perfect ways which is a wide tooth comb, this reparative styling creme and this wave serum. They are not inexpensive as a set but the products smell SO GOOD and make my hair look and feel great (which makes me feel so much better). Now onto fixing those pimples”
From Julie: “Jess inspired me to purchase Slowdown Studio’s new puzzle. Added bonus it’s of Palais Bulles which is one of my favorite architectural homes in Cannes, France.”
From Caitlin: “Last year Em launched a design class with Skillshare (we documented the process here) about finding your own style. I signed up then (as the partnerships person, I truly drink the Kool-Aid for every brand we share on the site) but guys: I’ve been an actual, #notsponsored, real-life paying customer since. I like the writing and drawing classes best, since those feel most accessible (no outside materials required, baby!), but there’s literally a lesson for almost anything. It turns out that Em’s link for 2 free months is still up and running, so I just wanted to share the wealth! If you want to learn something, for free, and don’t know where to start (or if you just need some prompts to get your creative juices flowing), it’s a fun resource to explore.”
From Ryann: “A few weeks ago at our weekly Zoom happy hour, as we were discussing the possibility of doing a EHD book club (stay tuned for that) Emily mentioned this book that she loved. Since it’s YA and is about teenagers almost kissing (Emily’s favorite genre) I bought it immediately – literally as we were on the call. And guys, I’ve stayed up LATE several nights because I can’t put it down. It just makes me think about my former high school self and it makes me sad, happy, lonely, yet completely understood. I haven’t cried yet but I cry when reading any book so I am assuming that will come very soon. Please tell me if you’ve read it and let’s talk about Lee!!!”
From Veronica: “If you haven’t seen John Krasinki’s Some Good News on Youtube yet, you need to stop what you are doing and watch RIGHT NOW. Especially episode 2. It is heart-warming, so funny, and uplifting for those of us who need a little sunshine in your heart these days. YOU GUYSSSS. It had me welling up like a baby!! I’m serious, go watch. Right. Now.”
From Mallory: “I’ve always been against tie dye. In fact, the last time I even considered putting it on my body was in the 5th grade when our class shirts were tie-dye. And even then, I felt uneasy and unsure…but quarantine is bringing out some weird stuff in me and I’m blossoming into a new Mallory. I would’ve never considered buying this before I spent every day in my house, but guys – I just pulled the trigger. In fact, I’m so into this whole tie-dye sweatsuit thing that my aunt’s friend is making me a custom one…and I cannot wait to spend every waking moment in it. I don’t know if I’ll still be into these when this is all over, but I’ll be sure to keep everyone informed. Wish me luck xx”
And a quick small business callout: our old neighbors, Underwood Letterpress, just released a new collection of the cutest felt letter boards. Their business was hit by #TheBigQ, but they’re still offering EHD readers 20% off any letter board with the code EHDXUL20. If you’re looking for a creative way to spark joy, this may help 🙂
Lastly, today we want to start a fun (at least we hope) new segment. Every Friday we do a Zoom meeting/happy hour and we realized that in addition to discussing VERY important business, we usually end up diving into other topics that are sometimes controversial, sometimes just fun or interesting to us. This week, Emily asked a very polarizing relationship question: “Do you let your partner look through your phone?” Many of said yes, it’s no big deal. One of us felt STRONGLY that that’s such an invasion of privacy. So we want to know where you stand. Do you let your partner look through your phone? Do they know your password? And does your partner allow you to look at theirs? We sincerely hope this doesn’t cause fights, but we are VERY curious. Let us know how you feel about this and why. xx
Opener Image Credit: design by: Jono Fleming| photo by: Caitlin Mills | via: The Design Files
I love Mallory’s writing voice. She’s so silly. I too have been trying new styles since I’m stuck inside all day. Might as well!
Also, I absolutely let my partner look at my phone. We know each others password and don’t hesitate to pick up whatever phone is near. I think when you’re in a longterm relationship privacy in regards to your phone becomes kinda nonexistent. Maybe there’s exceptions that makes this less true….like a therapist’s work cell where you need your phone to be confidential for clients. Otherwise, I personally find it a source of needless stress to keep my phone private if I have nothing to hide.
But do your friends consent to your partner reading their texts and such? Because I’d feel pretty betrayed if I were texting with my friend and her husband was reading it all. That needs to be disclosed, so I can decide what I feel comfortable sharing and what I don’t.
Agreed. My friends and I are still separate people from our partners. Just because I tell my best friend something doesn’t mean her partner has a free pass to read it all. I ask my friends before screenshotting or repeating things they’ve shared with me. Even if you are good friends with both people, you still might not share with them equally. And it doesn’t mean you have scandalous secrets – it could be as simple as discussing a potential birthday gift and not wanting to ruin the surprise.
yeah, I’ve discussed things like my how my healing from giving birth is going, gross pregnancy symptoms, disagreements I’ve had with my husband, breakups and hookups before that – all just *personal* things that I’d only share with my closest friends. It would be a real betrayal of trust if that friend were letting her partner read all my personal texts.
Actually, yes. I love this idea being brought up, though. Because there should be consent involved. All of my friends know pretty much anything they tell me has the chance of going back to my boyfriend, mom, and/or therapist. I know a lot of people in relationships are the same way (Minus the mom thing at my age.)
Unless they tell me “please keep this private” those are the three people that have a chance of knowing something. Although, this is pretty rare because:
1. I’m starting to think my friends aren’t super private people, I’ve only had one friend say “keep this private” but it wasn’t even from my partner.
2. My partner doesn’t actively look through my text messages. It’s more of a “we need to google the name of this song NOW! Can’t find my phone…I’ll grab this one.” In the time we’ve been together I’ve never seen him look at my texts unless I chose to show him a specific one. He’s not nosey in the slightest….but he knows my password and can look whenever he wants. It just never happens.
Oh, AND we’re separate people. 😉
I love these posts!
I am in the minority in that I do not let my partner look through my phone. Occasionally we are driving or something and the other person’s phone is more convenient so we will unlock for the other person so they can find music or use Waze but that’s the extent. There is definitely no looking around happening. No way.
I don’t think my boyfriend would care. He was married for 18 years before we got together and is comfortable with a lot of overlap. But I was 38 when we met and spent many years in a series of long term relationships while living alone. Now I live with my partner I can see the slippery slope to everything blending together and some parts of that are really lovely. But I’m a grown-ass independent woman and I like some level of separation.
I am also FIRMLY against an open door bathroom policy. Maybe there’s a correlation there?
You are me! I grew up without much privacy and we live in a small house. Some things I need to keep just for me, you know?
WAZE OR MUSIC ONLY, agreed!!! I have to confess that *I* am the person STRONGLY against unlocking my phone. There’s nothing on there (and I mean, I’m super single, so this is not a problem for me, hah) but it just feels too intimate!!!
Are you an only child? Towards the end of the chat we realized that I’m the only one on the team without siblings, which makes me wonder if it’s just a territorial thing?
Interesting only child theory. I’m not an only child- oldest of three sisters, but similar to Lori- not a lot of privacy growing up so I really value it now.
For me it’s more that I’m not jealous AT ALL and I find jealousy in partners really unappealing. Trust is important to me, as are boundaries. So certain things, like my phone and his phone are part of that.
I have 6 siblings and a password on my phone. That password has been asked for and denied, because (Eich!), I walked in the room once and found my partner scrolling through my phone. Oopsie! Now, had he sought permission…different story. No possibilities of anything sneaky going on at all. In fact, lockdown isn’t too different for us because we usually spend 24/7/365 together, so we’re used to dealing with cabin fever.’ It felt wrong. There was no need and since my best friend was going through breast cancer and then had 3rd degree burns as the result of a nurse using a heat pack on skin she could no longer feel … SHE needed privacy from anyone else’s eyes.
He didn’t get the issue being sensitive, so I took the choice away.
I must say, it is s t i l l an issue for him.
He has since locked his phone too (seeeeee? BIG issue), but it means nothing to me because I never looked at his.
Yikes!!!
This conversation is fascinating! I am an only child and I have no problem sharing my phone with my husband… but he also doesn’t really care and never *asks* to see it to review my communication – I would call him out for being weird if he did. We both have each other’s passwords for our phones for Waze convenience and in case of emergencies (I am a planner). Our relationship when we met eleven years ago evolved very quickly (which I partly attribute to living on a compound in a remote area of a foreign country and his bathroom HAD NO DOOR). Things got very *ahem* personal very quickly. I am a stickler about my alone time, but not my phone.
“But I’m a grown-ass independent woman and I like some level of separation.”
Yup. My thoughts exactly. Maybe if we use both sides of the t-shirt all the wording will fit?!
We know each other’s passwords but don’t go through each other phones. Basically just Waze and music and if the phone is ringing and I recognize the caller I will pick it up. Literally found out my now husband was going to propose because we were driving and asked me to get an address out of notes and the most recent note which was open was a list of rings and prices! Longest car ride ever and also longest two months until proposal! Now I’m super careful because I don’t want to ruin any surprises.
No secrets! No privacy! His phone is my phone, my phone is his phone. If it were any different I would have major trust issues.
We also give each other little privacy in other aspects of our relationship.
Would have? Clearly, you still do have major trust issues. 😉
I really hope you disclose that to anyone who is texting or emailing you. You may find that you pass on your trust issues to your friends/family/colleagues….
In regards to the home tour, it’s funny, I’ve slowly been painting over our white walls room by room. The powder room is now a dark moody, almost black. One girls’ bedroom is the dreamiest pale pink (F & B Calamine). Another daughter’s bedroom is F & B Teresa’s Green (doors and trim painted inspired by Julie’s bedroom). Next up was my son’s room. I was going to do something different – like a big black square to highlight his beloved basketball posters and maybe a large semi circle behind bed to look like a headboard, but I’ve lost my steam. With the kids at home all day and all of their little “treasures” they collect (all the shiny trinkets!), my mind is craving calm!! I just want everything white, I want all neutral everything (I dream of Mel’s old living room every single day), I want to empty all of the closets and clean out all of the drawers. We don’t have a lot of clutter in our house, but I just feel the need to simplify everything. I think it just helps negate all the craziness going on right now in the world (and in my house!).
My husband and I both set up each other’s fingerprints to unlock our phones, and I will grab his phone if mine is in the other room or to turn on music in the car. However, I don’t snoop through his phone or read his texts or anything. I feel like that would be an invasion of privacy even though neither of us is hiding anything. But if a text happened to pop up while I was using his phone, it would be no big deal.
We’re about the same. No fingerprints, but we do know each other’s passwords. We generally stick to our own phones and I would never go into his texts, but I might use his to check the weather or look something up if mine were dead or not nearby (and he’s the same for mine). I feel like not knowing your partner’s password would be weird- like, what do you have to hide? But also freely using your partner’s phone and reading texts that weren’t meant for you would also be weird. I guess trust is when you have the ability to check in on someone, but don’t feel the need to do it.
The topic of looking through each other’s phone doesn’t even come up, it’s not something either of us think about so we just don’t do it? I think there’s just an innate level of trust that doesn’t even bring up the thought. If my partner were to want to look through my phone, that would be problematic since it is not the norm, and vice-versa I imagine. Wanting to invade someone’s privacy by seeing what they’re doing on their phone #triggers me to high school. That said, we know each other’s password and will put on music, maps, a quick Google, etc. so there isn’t any weirdness around using each other’s phone casually.
Yes! I find it would be a lack of trust to ask to look at it. It never would occur to me to ask to see his.
My husband look through my phone? He won’t touch my phone. He doesn’t have a mobile phone at all! I bought him the first iphone when they came out and he let it sit on the buffet for a year before I took it over. But, he might look at my Facebook or email on the computer. He does know all my passwords! The little signboard- our local weather man has one just like it (maybe the same) and he posts a punny joke on it every night, leaning against the wall behind him as he does his weather report from home. I love it! His name is Ben Dery on King 5 News in Seattle.
I alternate between the Slip silk sleep mask and the Color Factory x Sleepy Jones silk sleep mask. I want to try the Lunya silk sleep mask. I’m obsessed with silk since starting to use a silk pillowcase. It really makes a difference in maintaining moisture in my skin and hair, and reducing wrinkles. Sara — does your sleep mask leave marks on your face? I love the tips for air drying hair for the perfect waves, but I wash my hair before bed a couple times a week (and even style it most of the time, thus the silk pillowcase), so the waves don’t come out quite right when I let it dry naturally. But I agree that a salt spray is great for freshening up the natural waves. It does make me want to try washing my hair in the morning. Emily — I love my stand mixer! I’m actually on my second, which I upgraded to the professional (both Kitchen Aid), because I needed the extra power for double batch cookie dough. And as for phones, we’re all pretty open. My partner, our teen daughter, me — we all have each other’s codes, but we don’t invade… Read more »
RE: The phone thing…I have no problem handing my phone over to my husband for whatever and vice-versa, but neither of us would EVER actually “go through” the other’s phone…not that either of us have anything to hide, but it just feels so icky/like such an invasion. My husband’s so dramatically against going through my stuff that he won’t even get something from my purse…even if I tell him EXACTLY where something is located, he’ll just bring the whole bag to me and have me get it out myself. I think for us it’s less of an issue of whether or not we trust each other, and more of a personal boundaries thing.
My husband and I are the same way. We even have the same password for our phones!
That’s pretty much us, too. Trust. But also respect.
I’m a very independent and also a very open person. I don’t feel like being independent and being comfortable with sharing everything with your husband are mutually exclusive things. I have no issues with my husband using my phone and vice versa. We often respond to texts for each other when we’re driving and such. It’s just not a big deal and seems like a lot of work to me to keep it private if I don’t really have anything he can’t see.
Emily, if you love YA then you should try “Simon Snow” by Rainbow Rowell. It was AMAZING! It’s like Harry Potter but weirder, and with more romance.
Meant to say, the Simon Snow series – first book is “Carry On” second is “Wayward Son”. I think there will be a third eventually!
Prep was my favorite book in college and I had totally forgotten about it until now. Thank you! Such a good read — I’ll definitely be picking it up again.
I feel like it’s really weird to look through your partner’s phone… have we used each other’s phones for stuff, sure, but I would never in a million years look through his messages or apps or anything like that. Funnily enough, as I say that I’m realizing I’ve actually let him look at stuff on my phone, but it’s only ever been with my express permission/vague supervision. I also let him read my childhood diary for the same reason I let him read my college-friends group chat sometimes– he finds it entertaining.
But in general we would never go through each other’s stuff because there’s no reason to! If you feel compelled to look through your partner’s messages chances are you have some issues that need working through.
I think having ACCESS to your partner’s phone, and looking through it, are two separate things. My husband and I have each other’s passwords and wouldn’t hesitate to use each other’s phones to pull something up or even answer a text for each other when driving. But neither of us would ever look through one another’s phones and read through private texts or browser history unless there was some sort of emergency or something. Neither of us have anything to hide, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be able to have some privacy. We also wouldn’t open one another’s mail unless there was a very good reason to do so. We trust each other enough that we don’t need to know every single thing each say or do, but also trust each other enough to feel completely comfortable that they could access anything that they needed to and would only do so if there was a compelling reason.
That’s exactly how I feel. I *could* go through my fiancee’s phone, but I never have. Only when needed/asked. I think everyone is conflating access and reading every text/looking at every photo/etc – those two things are VERY different.
So many fun links! Regarding the question at the end…sure? I can’t imagine why he would need to, but I wouldn’t care a bit if he did. The only issue might be if it was around his birthday, or something – I wouldn’t want him to see a text about a gift or surprise I had for him. But aside from that, why would I care? I tell him everything. He doesn’t seem to care if I look for things on his phone either – in fact, it’s not unusual for him to just tell me to go read texts so he doesn’t have to recount them. I don’t think it’s a “bad sign” if someone feels differently about it, but I have to admit – our lack of boundaries with that sort of thing does make me feel very secure about our relationship.
My husband and I know each other’s PINs for our phones, and occasionally he will use mine or I’ll use his for something. But I wouldn’t just pick up his phone and start looking through his messages, and he wouldn’t look through mine.
He’s not on Facebook, but he has my Facebook password and sometimes looks through my newsfeed. Mostly he’s interested in reading what certain mutual friends have to say.
I was raised as an only child (I have older half siblings, but I didn’t grow up with them), so I definitely have sharing issues. But for whatever reason, I have no trouble sharing my passwords.
My partner and I both know each other’s passwords and that we each have no issue with the other going through it, but it’s never something that we’ve actually done. We both (for our jobs) have text alerts that only say who is texting, not what they’re texting on the home screen, so if he tells me “your mom text you” i may ask him to read it to me if my hands are full. But all in, there isn’t anything that I wouldn’t want him to see, so it doesn’t really bother me.
My husband and I have access to each others’ phones mostly because we believe it’s important to have total transparency when in a relationship. We often grab whichever phone is closest to look something up, bring up an app, or whatever. But we don’t really read each others’ texts–just not that interested, I guess.
I’ve never been put in a situation where my husband (of 16 years) has asked to look through my phone. We have both used each others browsers or had the other one reply to texts while driving and that was no big thing.
I guess if he ever asked to look through it I would wonder what is going on to make him feel the need. I could see that making me feel confusion but would just toss the sucker at him and let him have at it and then discuss the feelings/emotions behind the request.
We know eachother’s phone passwords, but we don’t actively look through it. I feel no desire whatsoever to do that. I trust him and he deserves privacy.
My boyfriend and I know the other’s password, and while we could fully go through one another’s phones, neither of us does. Usually if we’re on the other’s phone it’s like “hey, my battery is dying, can I use your phone?”, or scrolling through their Spotify in the car (that one happens a lot). It’s like saying, I have enough trust to not invade your privacy by snooping, but you’re still showing good faith by sharing your password and not being weird when I do want to use your phone. And I think it helps that he’s so casual about it. If his hands are busy with something, he won’t hesitate to ask me to send a text message or email to someone from his phone, and he’s constantly showing me stuff he’s looking at (usually when I’m trying to focus on something else…) My previous relationship actually ended after I innocently (honestly!) picked up his phone to play a game. We were coming back from the beach and I was bored but I’d thrown my phone in a bag that was put in the trunk. When I unlocked the phone it opened to his text messages, where my eye… Read more »
Like so many who have commented here, my husband and I have access to one another’s phone, but never demand/search it. We frequently respond to text messages for the other (especially while driving), and I once went through his phone because he had approximately 1,000 unread texts, and THAT DRIVES ME NUTS. Just seeing the notification count gives me anxiety. I’ll still open threads of conversations that we’re both part of and I know he’s seen, just so I can lower that friggin notification count.
We have shared/gone through old fb conversations with friends and family, because, as someone mentioned previously, it’s oddly entertaining.
Thank you so much for the mixer link! I wanted ocean blue for my daughter’s birthday – it showed up as out of stock, so I requested notification if it became available, and got an email 30 minutes later that it was. On sale too!
Such an interesting question about letting your partner look through your phone. For me, it feels like an invasion of privacy. It’s like his email, I wouldn’t look through that either. Not like I think there’s something there that’s a problem, it’s just… private. Why do I need to look at his phone anyway? I have my own phone! I suppose if one phone is seriously on another floor or completely dead, we will of course tell the other the password and do what we need to do, but it’s very rare.
But we got together later in our lives, so we are USED to our own stuff being our own. We both have a healthy sense of personal/private stuff. For example, I journal, often about him, and I know for a FACT he has never read my journal. We just wouldn’t.
I wonder if this is generational though? I am early 40s, my partner early 50s. I get the sense it’s more open for younger folks.