If you like reading other people’s diaries, peeking into medicine cabinets, or just oddly curious about how other families and marriages really work (or don’t), you might be into today’s announcement – something we’ve been wanting to do for a year and a half. Brian has wanted to write more here for a while, about us, mid-life expectations (and disappointments), parenting, masculinity – literally all the challenges. Life as we experience it. I’ve also wanted to write more from the personal angle with a lot of “inside the business” stuff (I’ve got stories). But it’s all solidly non-design related, and at times this platform felt wrong for it, both in subject and in safety. And yet we have little embarrassment or shame around our failures or challenges (ask our friends), and Brian is a fantastic writer and sharer that I think a lot of you (or your partners) can connect to. So we are launching a personal Substack newsletter, which is a weekly paid newsletter that comes to your inbox, called “Brian and Em”. It will essentially be a landing place for a lot of the dangerously vulnerable posts that we don’t want to be so open for public consumption (and the potential backlash that can ensue). Posts that I have wanted to write here (or have already written), but have been too scared to push publish. I think about them, write, draft, edit, and they just sit in the back end waiting for “the right day”. This blog will remain 100% the same – I’m not going anywhere, and I’ll still write some personal posts here. These other posts will be both thoughtful and off the cuff. It will be all the stuff we talk to our friends about, just shared online with those who are into it.

Like What? What Will You Write About??

I figured a list of titles might better give you an example of where my head is. Here are some I’ve already finished or want to write:

1. How (and Why) We Made Our House Safe From Porn and Online Gambling to Protect Our Kids (I Had No Idea You Could Do This)
2. Why So Many Mormons Became Bloggers in the Aughts (As a Former Mormon, I Have So Much Insight). Speaking of which…
3. Which of the Mormon Cultural Traditions My Own Family Has Adopted (Super Solid Ideas)
4. All the Times I’ve Listened to My Gut in Business, Where I’ve Been Dead Wrong, and What it Taught Me Instead
5. My Daughter Wants to be a YouTuber. Here’s How We Are Handling It
6. What We Are the Most Strict About in Our House (It’s Def Not How We Grew Up)
7. How (AND WHY) I Told My Kids What 69 Meant….
8. How Our Beloved Cat Bearcat Really Died (The Nicest Lie Brian Ever Told Me)
9. Small Business Stuff – My PTO Policy, Who Handles Our HR, and Do I Have a CFO??
10. Why We Didn’t Have a Third Kid (And Do I Regret Stopping at 2?)
11. How We Talk About Money with Our Kids (Oof, This is Like a 10-Part Series)
12. How We Almost Hired a Hot Nanny… And Why We Didn’t

The list really goes on and on. Every day as I walk, I have new ideas, things that I think would be so fun to gab about, but don’t feel right here on the blog. Some are more long-winded (duh), and some are just thoughts, theories, or recommendations that I want to share, and I wonder if other people would connect with.

What About Brian? What Will He Write About?

This whole thing started because of him. He’s been working on a novel for a few years (and finished a creative writing program last year), and now that it’s done and he’s pitching it, he has a lot he wants to write, on the more personal side. I’ll brag for a bit, but he’s just really thoughtful, willing, curious, and open (not to mention the most supportive partner and father). Dax Shepher adjacent (he’s going to kill me for saying that, but if you listen to Armchair Expert, you know what I’m talking about). But putting it out there on a very widely read design blog felt off to him (since his posts were never design related and frankly some of his humor wasn’t that well received, even though I find him personally hilarious). You might remember his post documenting his vasectomy, or even how therapy changed his life. They will be more in that vein (LOL… no pun intended).

From Brian…

“Over the course of the Substack, I’ll be exploring things all sorts of men’s issues from my own personal stories. I’ll walk you through my journey with therapy and how it saved my marriage. I’ll answer questions like: How does it feel to be the husband of a breadwinner? How does being the lead parent affect my masculinity? Why do I still have a hard time talking to my wife about certain things? Why do I sometimes withhold affection? How do I raise a boy in today’s culture? Why am I still insecure about sex after all these years?”

He continues: “I also want this to be a dialogue, so I’ll be answering reader questions — well, ‘answering’ isn’t quite right. But if there’s anything you’ve been struggling with at home or in life, with your spouse or partner, I’ll give you my honest take from a male point of view. Kinda like Ask Amy, but with a jock strap. There will be blind spots— I’m just a middle-aged white dude after all. But hopefully, if I write personally and candidly enough, something universal will pop out that anyone could relate to.”

Obviously, we aren’t perfect nor experts in anything relational, but after 25 years together, we just feel really comfortable talking about stuff that most couples go through. Or maybe we are just indulgent know-it-alls and like to give advice ….

How Much Is it? How Does It Work?

The lowest you can charge is $5 a month (and then Substack takes a cut out of that, credit card fees, etc), so that is what we are starting with (it’s just us right now, so our overhead is just our time). For us, this provides a safety barrier, a buffer that keeps people invested in us and hate readers out (unless they pay). If you are a long-time reader and this is a barrier, please email hello@emilyhenderson.com, and I will give you 3 months for free. Right now, the post will land on Saturday or Sunday mornings in your inbox (which is when we read the Substacks we subscribe to). But anything can change based on learnings.

This is an experiment, something we’ve really wanted to try, but there are a lot of unknowns. At times, we think we could expand this into a podcast, and other times, we are nervous about exposing our marriage to the public. We will protect our kids, obviously, and mostly write about common issues concerning raising kids, but not specifics about ours, in a way that we would regret later. Our phone and social media policy? Sure. How are we managing video game addiction tendencies? Yep. Because those are more universal problems. But nothing too personal about each one – it’s about us way more than them.

Brian wrote the first post that is a reflection on the therapy that changed his life and our marriage (and it’s not just normal talk therapy). Head over there for a 1-week free subscription and see what you think.

xx – Emily and Brian

*Photos by Kaitlin Green