That’s right … Charlie’s birth was filmed (and you can watch at ULive.com), which I realize is a sentence that gets a HUGE reaction like this, ‘You … had a film crew in there? OMG.” And that’s when I remind them that no there wasn’t a CREW (although, frankly I would have permitted it). It was one dude. ONE dude, (‘sup, Steve) that I have worked with a ton so he’s kinda a friend and I was comfortable around him (no, not that comfortable but I knew him well enough to know that he wasn’t judging me).  (Oh, and read the birth story to get the play by play)

Besides, when I was in blinding pain do you think I gave a crap (literally and figuratively) who was in the room? I didn’t. Well, that is not true, I wanted him to be there. I wanted someone to document ‘The woman in the most pain ever’ for the Guinness book of world records. I didn’t win, strangely … I was robbed (probably  by a woman who had to withstand that for 24 hours instead of my short birth).

Let me be clear  – nothing from the business end will be shown … sadly. Was the business end filmed? I don’t know, probably … hopefully. But, obviously that won’t be online – although to be honest not because I don’t want it to be; I’m proud of what happened down there and yes, its gnarly and insane and might make some/most people uncomfortable, but to me it’s so amazing and I kinda want the world to see it.

In fact if I controlled the world every man would have to witness the business end. (I’m at times terrified by my lack of privacy).  I want to have a ‘passive aggressive birth’ app on my phone where every time Brian complains about something or asks me to do something annoying I could quickly hit play and replay the birth in a few seconds. He WORSHIPPED me for days, nay, WEEKS after that – knowing that I was such a bad*ss.

I’m so glad that I have these photos and the video to replay and relive the memory. But if you don’t have it, don’t worry. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING does it justice. The video shows me screaming, sure, but in my memory the screams were tribal, animalistic, glass breaking – and in the video they are intense, but not nearly as bad as I remember. So don’t regret not having a video done – nothing will portray it quite like it went down (although if you are like me and have no issue with privacy I strongly recommend having a video made – it really helps bring things back – the emotion, struggle, pain, joy – for the good or bad).

It’s so insane that for a day that entailed more pain then I ever thought imaginable, that I actually want to relive it over and over because it was so incredibly joyful. It almost makes me want to become religious … again.

I mean, look at that little face? He’s an angel; an absolute angel that was sent down here to have me kiss those cheeks, laugh at those expressions, nuzzle those fat wrist, cuddle that tiny body. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, challenges your belief system like life and death – in this case its life … and I’m feeling definitely challenged.

xx

To watch the video series click HERE and share it if you feel like it. I figure if I’m going to do it .. I may as well DO it.

(In case you are just joining: read the pregnancy announcement, watch the gender reveal video,  read my 5 favorite things about being pregnant , check out my maternity must haves, see my first baby shower, my second baby shower and read my birth plan and of course the play by play of the birth)