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Our “Non Try-Hard” Ways To Feel Sexy – From 7 Different EHD Women

This post (and the upcoming Valentine’s Day) may as well be sponsored by Bridgerton. If you’ve watched it you’ll know what I’m talking about as all my girlfriends have expressed how it has positively affected their marriage (I espoused this a couple years with Outlander, as well). Listen, being quarantined we all know that keeping the spark up can be challenging – so much time together, in sweats, and if you have kids it’s even harder. Regardless of your relationship status, if you are looking for ways to feel more comfortable and sexy without the straps and cuffs (certainly no judgment here), then the EHD team has collected some ideas for you, from those of us who are comfortable enough/had something to share. And if the idea of this post makes you uncomfortable (or if you are our dads) just come back tomorrow – we think that normalizing female conversations around having a healthy sex life is a good thing, but I get that it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.

I’ll go first.

Pre-game Products

Bubble Bath | Razor | Wax Strips | Tanning Lotion | Lotion | Shimmer Oil & Bath Oil

I want to feel smooth and soft, so I normally use a dry brush to exfoliate then in the bath (I love this bubble bath after trying 16), I shave with this razor, I just got this waxing kit I’m going to try soon (I’m scared!) and then I use this lotion which smells SO GOOD. I also generally put on this tanning lotion (don’t forget the mitt) once a week in winter (more often in summer) to give me a bronz-ey glow that makes me feel good. But it does have that self-tan scent so I’d recommend applying it a day or two in advance then showering and putting on your scent. I also love putting this Aqua Parma on after that which gives a shimmer that is so pretty and subtle. Also a huge fan of Jo Malone bath oil.

To Wear (Or Not To Wear)

Besides the super special occasions (which are hard to do in Covid) I need to feel super comfortable. I just recently bought 3 pairs of the same pajamas (that I’ve been raving about for over a year) because they are so thin, SO soft, and cozy (HOT TIP – the fabric ‘modal’ is what I look for now). And while I think that no Cis male (or any male) would consider those “sexy”, per se, they are so thin and soft and cut in NOwhere (and easily come off), so for the less suspecting/planned nights, these are great. But for Valentine’s day (and for this post) I did a LOT of shopping online and found so few that I felt were flattering and yet comfortable and “me”. If you want to know what I bought and kept – what I found comfortable (I can’t with the underwire right now) and flattering it’s THIS romper and this top and bottom set. I also love the lines of this set that looks soft and pretty that I ordered but haven’t received yet.

The Shocking “Sleepwear” Winner

Speaking of unsuspecting…last year I got a cami and underwear set in a swag bag from a press party and I only opened it a couple months ago. I quite literally couldn’t believe how soft, thin and forgiving they were. When I looked at who makes this magical set it said ‘Jockey’ and I was like ‘well surely this is a collaboration with Goop or Doen or something’ but nope. They are REALLY thin, stretchy, and soft (not tight AT ALL, but not baggy – I don’t get it). I bought 3 sets and they feel like soft naked butter on your skin – Brian LOVES them despite how boring they are. AND they stay put! It’s not like they are so loose that they ride up, they are just so comfortable you don’t notice them in any way. Not too loose, not too tight – the sisterhood of the traveling cami set for all of us.

To Set The Mood

Bedding: Brooklinen percale sheets and duvet are my normal crisp, cool, and super soft go-to. I recently tried Buffy eucalyptus duvet and insert are both super comfortable if not more slick (not satin, but definitely more slick if that makes sense). And if you like the linen feel EHD loves the Casaluna line (but Brian prefers percale over linen).
Candles: I keep one of these on my bath tray and light it every time I bathe (far more frequently than ever before) and then another on my nightstand. I like that there’s 3 wicks and they smell so good.
Books: I’ve been reading steamy romance novels since I was 11 so I’m quite experienced in this. Most of my friends (including myself) enjoyed The Wedding Date series, and if you are bored and haven’t read 50 Shades, well, I’ll see you in 2 weeks when you come up for air.

From Arlyn:

Matte Lipstick | Bra & Underwear | Perfume

Nars Velvet Matte Lipstick Pencil in Cruella: It might be a bit silly to slather on lipstick for myself and my four walls (well, and my husband), but I did this a few weeks ago and felt more myself than I have in 10 months. I felt powerful, confident, sexy. Cruella has been “my” color for the better part of seven years, and on days where I feel plain and meh, it sets me right. 
This bra + these underwear: Challenge: Wear a set of matching bra and undies and just try not to feel like a superhero. Just try…YOU CAN’T. This is my #1 “sexy” trick, whether for myself or for my marriage. The set doesn’t even have to be particularly scandalous or risque. Just the fact that you’re pulled together enough to have a bra and a pair of underwater that match that are clean at the same time, well…that’d get anyone to feel themselves, amiright? Bonus points if there’s a cheeky cut or some lace involved. 
Glossier You fragrance: I’m sure I’m not the only one here listing perfume. It’s low-hanging fruit, but that fruit hangs low for a reason. I used to be a daily spritzer, you know, pre-hermit Arlyn was at least. And recently, I eyed a bottle of one of my favorite fragrances right now and said “what the heck” and spritzed myself happy. Even if it’s just for you, what reason do you have to not smell good for yourself? Self-care baby. However, if you do have a partner, don’t be surprised if you walk past the room they’re in, and their legs involuntarily stand them up to follow you wherever you’re going, hypnotized…it smells that good. 

From Ajai:

Cleansing Towelettes | Candle & Perfume | Lip Stain

Neutrogena Hydro Boost Cleansing Towelettes: If I can be candid about the situation, after having a child, personal hygiene can be tough to maintain. Handling a newborn makes me forget what day it is and if I took a shower, so these hydro boost cleansing towelettes have really come in handy. If my face and neck get sweaty throughout the day I love whipping these babies out. I can even use them to wipe off the breast milk that lives everywhere on my skin. These towelettes leave my skin glowing – my husband compliments me after almost every use. I smell, feel, and look good (sexy) after I use them. 

Le Labo – Santal 26 Candle & Le Labo – Bergamot 22 Perfume: When I gave birth to our little one I had a c-section, so I’m not able to take baths to relax as I continue to heal. That said, scents have always been a big deal to me and I’ve been getting my fix with candles and perfumes. I love lighting my Santal 26 candle, in addition to (when I am able to take a shower) spraying on my Bergamote 22 perfume. Both of these scents make me feel so good, confident, and sexy. 

Sephora – Cream Lip Stain – 27 – Black Cherry: Nowadays, I love putting this on for zoom meetings and FaceTime calls with friends and family. This color makes me feel like a real boss-lady and a darn sexy mama. It’s very chic, perfect for fall and winter, and I get so many compliments on this color when I wear it. 

From Ryann:

Button Up | Body Scrub | Underwear

Oversized Button Up: This is going to sound pretty funny, but I recently bought a striped oversized men’s button up from Goodwill that’s super soft and comfy and turns out I feel effortlessly sexy in it. I’ve tried the lingerie thing and sure, it’s fun but sometimes it feels too performative and without a little liquid courage, it’s hard to not feel silly/self-conscious. So, a button-up with pretty underwear is my go-to and makes me feel cute and sexy.

Body Scrub: This body scrub is nothing special or fancy, but I got it for Christmas and both my fiancé and I love how it smells plus it makes my skin feel really soft. For some reason, I am really lazy about putting body lotion on, but when I use this scrub I love following it up with body butter so I feel extra pampered.

Parade Underwear: There’s a good reason this brand is all over Instagram. I have three pairs but I wish I had a hundred because they are so soft and comfortable and I think I feel best when I am just walking around my apartment in a little t-shirt and these undies. The mesh side detail is also very cute and sexy.

From Rashida:

Lipstick | Top | Curling Wand

Lately I’ve been retiring my natural curls for wand curls, and it’s created a new woman, a new identity that makes me feel very sexy. Package the wand curls with my favorite matte red lip, and my black squared neckline top, and you can’t tell me nothing!!

From Mallory:

Cowl Neck Top | Bra

Cowl Neck Top: If there’s one thing I LOVE this a cowl neck top. If you’re in my club, IBTC (itty-bitty-titty-committee) this one is for you. Wearing a big ol’ pushup bra can make me feel sexy but NOT wearing a bra can also make me feel sexy (plus it’s wayyy more comfortable). I love wearing cowl neck tops like this because they’re low-cut without being like uh your boobs are out PLUS the fit of the shirt automatically gives you extra zhuzh up top. I wear this all the time (even in Covid).

Bra: On the flip side, a bra with some padding makes me feel sexy since it’s basically doubling the size of my ladies. This one from the one and only Victoria’s Secret is great because it comes in lots of colors and fits in the comfiest way (especially for a push up) 

From Sara:

Lip Stain | Perfume Oil | Earrings

Multi Benne Stick: This lip stain from NOTO is a little dark, really soft, and kissable, and exactly what I swipe on for date nights.

Stargazer Lily: Mac got me this perfume oil for my birthday this year, and I find myself rolling it on right before I get into bed all the time. It’s a really sensual, deep heady floral scent, but it’s not overwhelming. To me it smells like a humid summer night – think “The Notebook”

Huggie Hoops: I bought these for myself a few months ago, and haven’t taken them off since. Wearing gold hoops makes me feel close to my mom, grandma, and female relatives in Guatemala (where my first pair of gold hoops were sent from as a baby gift when I was just 3 weeks old). A pair of gold hoops are a part of my daily armor, and make me feel very much myself.

Well, there you have it. All the scents, intimates, clothing, jewelry, etc that make US feel good and sexy. What makes you feel good? There are no wrong answers and we’d love to know. xx

Opening Photo Credit: Photo by Sara Ligorria-Tramp

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3 years ago

PLEASE be careful with candles on the nightstand. I accidentally fell asleep with one lit in a shallow container just like the target one and woke up to my nightstand on fire. It was 15 years ago but I’m still traumatized by what if I didn’t wake up.

3 years ago

Ok thank you for this!!! This might sound silly but I thought it was just me who was having an extra hard time feeling sexy these days. So many good tips here, Emily that bra top is to die for and I’m so sad it’s sold out! But mostly I’m just super here for talking about female sexuality in a non-weird way, high fives all around

3 years ago

The link for Emily’s favorite PJs is broken, and I’m so curious!!

And thanks for a post about “being sexy” that’s centered around FEELING in the mood, not LOOKING in the mood. Because the standard uncomfortable lingerie may be cute, but… ugh.

3 years ago

K … So, like, ya know … I’m stuck in this (really cute cottage that I lurve) house with my ex. Ugh. Wah-really NOT feelin’ sexy and not wanting to. Except … for some reason, on Tuesday I painted my toenails, um, red! Ha! For ME! I’m really looking forward to being able to have baths and longish showers. I’ve been forced to only have short showers for years and, man! Bring that cast iton bathtub on! Honestly, I know this sounds freakin’ weird – IT IS!!! – I forget to look in the mirror!😳😳😳 I catch myself out of the corner of my eye sometimes and stop. And look. At me. I’m doin’ okay for someone so massively downtrodden for so long. No violins required. 🤗 I’m alright. Things are changing and I wanna hear a big “Go Rusty!” when I’m finally free! Whoo hoo! On another note, kudos to you, Emily, for braving this frontier and creating a space for sharing this topic. I’m impressed with the sharings from the team, coz they’re not all about glamming up, but, rather, about what makes the individual feel sexy in themselves. (Now THAT part I can still do! 😉) I… Read more »

3 years ago
Reply to  Rusty

Oh, when I clicked on the Jockey link, I got a malware warnjng and closed it. Yikes!🤬
PS Isn’t Jockey an Aussie brand?

3 years ago
Reply to  Emily

Yup! 😊

3 years ago

Love the tone here, sexy positive and fun. Thanks for the vibe and thumbs up on this theme ❤️👌

Roberta Davis
3 years ago

Makes me feel good just reading about all these things! Lately, not to be sexy but just to feel really good- scrubbing with a Neutrogena hydrating scrub and those scruffy gloves, and then putting on lotion afterward makes me feel really good! I bought some refills of my Dior makeup products the other day, and they gave me an insane number of free samples- not getting much business in the store at Nordstrom these days, I guess. Some were lip color samples with a tiny brush and I have used that for a couple of meetings! Then I realized- only good for Zoom meetings because no one can see that under your mask! 🙂

3 years ago

That 50 Shades books is the worst written, laughably bad book I’ve ever read. Not. sexy. at. all. Just … dreadful.

Just go watch episode 6 of Bridgerton. 😉 Or read the Bridgerton books.

3 years ago
Reply to  LouAnn


Sarah T
3 years ago

Ajai! A warm congratulations on the birth of your child! Such happy news. I remember how challenging personal hygiene was in the newborn, post c-section days and wish I’d read your work arounds at the time. All the best during this ‘4th trimester’!

3 years ago

I am too massively pregnant right now to feel any kind of sexy, unless it’s sexy to huff and puff while struggling to pull on a pair of compression socks.

But I am here for all the bath product recs, since long baths at night are basically the only thing keeping me going these days. And I appreciate Ajai’s contribution, as a soon-to-be new mom (unless I’m just pregnant forever…)

3 years ago

love this! thanks for being frank and positive and just lovely all around 🙂 I second the absolute boss feeling of wearing a matching lingerie set – it doesn’t happen to me very often simply because of my general disorganised-ness but when it does it’s magical!! 😀

3 years ago
Reply to  Lisa

It truly is a magical feeling, particularly for yourself, not even for anyone else!

3 years ago

Okay, skip 50 Shades or whatever. I have been reading Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski recently… I absolutely recommend it to everyone! It’s honestly the sex education I wish I’d received in school. Yes, some technical stuff, but also a lot about the mental piece of sex and why folks feel disconnected from their partners. If you don’t feel like lingerie will help your situation right now, maybe this book will help you find those moments of spark again (or help create them). I wouldn’t say I have any complaints about my sex life, but honestly, this is just helping me know myself so much better. Yes to that!! I also think it’d be a good read for parents. There are some things about shame in the chapters – and honestly, there are things about my youth and the way we talked about sex/bodies that definitely has impacted my view as a woman (negatively) that I wish I could redo. If you’re a parent wanting your kid to have a healthy life in the future with their partner, read this from that perspective as well. From an underwear standpoint, the high waisted bottoms from Knickey are phenomenal (and… Read more »

3 years ago
Reply to  Alison

You can also mail in your old undergarments to Knickey for their recycling program (with a prepaid label) if you’re cleaning out your drawers while shopping for new stuff 🙂 any brand, any gender, kids or adults, socks, underwear and bras! Don’t just trash them!

3 years ago
Reply to  Alison

Knicky makes really amazing undergarments, but unfortunately, they do not have good back coverage and ride up like crazy. I’ve tried two styles with no success – I’m size 6 with a lower, wider rear, so shape matters, not just being thin. I hope they make more styles, because they are really well made and affordable compared to other sustainable undergarments.

3 years ago
Reply to  Alison

And thanks for the book recommendation. Developing communication skills around physical intimacy and sex is so important. And while I haven’t read 50 Shades, I’ve heard it does not model this well, and the BDSM community was unhappy that the book was associated with them in any way because of the lack of communication and boundary setting (not an expert here, but there are plenty of articles about it out there.)

3 years ago

As for fabrics that are comfortable and feel sexy, I agree model is great, but tencel (or lyocell) is also wonderful and more environmentally friendly. My favorite lounge brand has been Hernest in Canada ( Their Betty Brief with the Veronica Tank is my favorite pairing.

Also, a good body scrub and body butter/oil always make me feel sexier.

Caroline O’Hara
3 years ago

Emily, do you know if Orlando is OK? Worrying after his post yesterday!

3 years ago

Love the oversize men’s shirt with the sexy undies! Maybe hair in a loose updo, some perfume, lipstick, and glasses on, while you pretend to “work on your laptop” on the bed–then invite your man to sit down and “work next to you”–he won’t know what hit him!
Quite the little fantasy there!

3 years ago
Reply to  Lindsay

Hahaha 🤣😂

3 years ago

watch Beyonce’s Homecoming Beychella performance on Netflix. Boom. Done. Seeeexy.

Lololool really tho.

3 years ago

Here’s our big secret: The guest room! Our guest room is in a different area than the kids’ rooms, has a lock, and can be kept hotel tidy. It’s nice to be outside our everyday life bedroom. Superficial prep: Ditto exfoliation. I prefer a soak with epson salts and a boar bristle brush. We both prefer completely hairless pubic area on me, and shaving causes too many ingrown hairs, so he does mine with Veet (and enjoys it). I’ve been considering a home hard wax kit, because the results last longer and I prefer the softer grow-back. He keeps himself trimmed as well. Lighting: Switch to good quality LED wax candles. We have a realistic set from Costco (purveyor of all sexy goods, lol). No risk of burning the house down and they have a remote. We’re lights-on people, so we have a bedside lamp on as well. Lingerie: I have a couple of bra/skimpy panty sets that are mainly just for bedroom use, which is fun. However, wearing sexy underwear all day is a game we enjoy. I love Soma for underwear that’s sexy *and* comfortable. Reading inspiration: Roni Loren writes much sexier and better written books than 50… Read more »

3 years ago

Ahhhh Bridgerton. Yes, this reminds me of an actor roommate who had a role to play a “sexy” character. She had such fun at home experimenting with what “the character” would wear. I seem to recall “the character” got new lipstick and earrings and was having so much fun. Try it for yourself. What choice would your “sexy” character make? If nothing else, it will be silly fun.