Turning 37 …
I turn 37 tomorrow and I’m headed out for the week to spend time with my family, but before I go some thoughts on my age . . .
Everybody has their “age” – a number that they always feel they “are, ” on an existential level. Mine is 27. Even when I was 24 I felt 27, and when I was 32 I certainly felt like I was 27. To be turning 37 is no different. I still feel 27. But I’m now 10 years past that. I’m not freaking out, ish. There are days when I look in the mirror and realize that I’m in the front row of my own aging-show, and sure, sometimes I’d like to leave the theater.
But then I remind myself why aging is something to be celebrated.
1. My 27 year old self didn’t have children. I now have two perfectly imperfect children that I want to shove in my mouth so I can properly experience their soul inside my stomach. I love them that much. Ten years ago they weren’t in my life. Back then kids meant ruined brunches and cancelled morning workouts. I was (definitely) right and, yet, I was so wrong. Those kids are a product of my age; because I am 37 I have two healthy children and that fact alone makes me an extremely lucky proud late-thirties person. They don’t define me, but they do complete me.
2. I feel really young – which is a proud statement considering my situation. Having 2 kids under the age of three is like running a marathon in unknown conditions every. single. day. At first it’s so shockingly exhausting that you think you won’t survive. But after a while you get used to it and it becomes your new normal. Now… the condition in which you have to finish, and the distance is the unknown. Snow? Rain? Traffic? All up hill? Somedays you run barefoot with blisters, while others you feel like you are being chased by a stampede of bulls. But there are miles in most days when you watch the sunrise over the mountains with puffy clouds and a reflective river and you want to cry it’s so beautiful. These years right now are as exhausting as they are wonderful and yet, we are surviving and I do really still feel pretty young. Nothing makes me feel so old and so young than being a parent to small children. But more than anything, like running a marathon, everyday I feel SO PROUD. I feel high on life, with endorphins running, hormones pumping, and many sweaty smiles a-blazing.
3. Age brings so much security and the ability to feel a deeper love. Brian and I have been together for 16 years and we have made it through some harder times, then added two kids, and yet we have still survived. Hell, right now we are SOLID. AS. HECK, actually (stay tuned for a big post on what changes we implemented that have transformed our marriage). Five years ago we weren’t in the best place with each other – we were at very different career levels, we didn’t think we would ever be homeowners, nor did we have the profound respect that we do for each other as parents and career people. Love runs deeper for your partner at 37 than at 27. That kind of connection is to be absolutely celebrated. My 27 year old self didn’t know how deeply she could love the 38 year old Brian.
My body has become less “mid-century” and more “traditional.” My face looks softer and has more, ahem “decorative details, ” and my hair is riddled with one of my less favorite metallics. But this person isn’t dated or old. I know that my 27 year old self would be proud of this 37 year old woman. Not every year is going to be as good as this one, for sure, so this next year is another one that I will approach with total optimism and gratefulness. This year I’m going to spend every second I can with my family, doing more service for our community, while staying inspired and creative. No real defined goals. Just a strong, grown-up, 37 year old sense of life-purpose.
See you Tuesday, folks. We are headed out of town and I have no intention of touching my laptop ’til then. But we have been keeping some pretty darn great design posts for September – Ginny’s house, my bathroom, Brady’s living room, introductions to new projects, a new “find your style” video series, and lots of round-ups by popular demand. Thanks for all your support. There is no way I would love this blog so much if it weren’t for you. xx