One of the biggest contradictions about parenting is how much you want a particularly phase to pass without having time go by. The two kids under two thing is a game changer and life is NUTS and yet I want time to stand still without them getting a day older. There are some days that feel totally daunting, and some days that feel doable, but never, never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever will I say its ‘easy’. NO. It ain’t easy. I’ve been trying to put my mind around what exactly is so challenging about it and I think that a lot of it has to do with the age difference, or lack therof and how young they both are. After you have a baby (at least after I have a baby) your brain is kinda mushier than normal. It feels drained, depleted and soggy, where coming up with a simple coherent sentence can be difficult. It’s shocking. Maternity leave exists not just so you can bond with baby and adjust to motherhood but also so your brain/emotions can recover and your cells can be repaired.
So when that kind of brain comes up against an almost two year old that a. really wants his mommy’s attention and b. is too young to entertain himself, life becomes extra challenging and exhausting. If I could just plop him in front of the TV everything would be GREAT. It’s the constant activity and entertaining that is hard. And don’t get me STARTED on sleeping. HA. When one goes down the other wakes up. My little angel, Elliot, wants to sleep on top of my chest or in my arms at all times (which is legitimately wonderful, but certainly not a good habit for me to get into, right??) and yet she is still a night owl. Then Charlie is doing the early shift with 6:15 wake ups. Its like they are playing a cruel game of tag against us. And they are winning.
But amongst the baby brain and the sleep exhaustion its still wonderful in a way that only parents of young children can understand. These two beings and their dad are my total world and having a family, chaotic or not, is all its cracked up to be. We go out for family dinners every Friday night (pizza/pasta/beer) and its kind of everything that I ever dreamt of. Sure, our ‘night out’ starts at 5:30pm, and I’m at the restaurant struggling to get a newborn to latch under my nursing apron while Charlie is running around adorably bothering other patrons. Brian and I can in no way finish a conversation let alone catch up personally with each other. But somehow its still great. I think the chaos of two kids has a magic about it that can make you feel so young and old at the same time. These are the dinners that I will remember for our entire lives – lives which are flying by WAY too fast these days.
I went back to work this week for a big 4 day Target shoot and brought Elliot with me, which was crazy and wonderful (I brought our nanny to help while I was shooting and Brian watched Charlie all week). My friends/assistants watched me all day, every day schlepping, pumping, freezing, nursing, storing, rocking, shushing, etc, etc. Then when we got in the car and she was screaming I started singing, shaking the seat, more shushing and moaning, blah blah. Scott, while driving, said, in an exasperated and totally shocked tone ‘OH MY GOD. BABIES!!!!!!!!’. He had just had it. Yes. He’s right. OMG babies!! …. The amount of work becomes second nature where you don’t even notice that you haven’t stopped.
Oh, but I love a newborn. I really do. Besides the sleep thing I could take every single second of this and bottle it up forever. They are just so gushy and cuddly, and every day there is a new movement or tiny expression for you to savor and obsess over. They are so helpless and innocent – instant perspective givers and stress takers. That’s right – newborns are more work, but in my opinion reduce your stress. The second I get off set to hold her I calm down a bit because really nothing else matters. I could fail at everything in my life, but as long as I have my kids and my marriage, it will be fine and even good.
I keep getting the ‘how are you doing?’ and ‘how exactly are you doing it?’ questions. The answer is I’m hanging in there and some days I’m even doing GREAT because I have so much help on all fronts. No super mom here. Brian is still the most attentive/present father in the world. Our family is so lucky to have him. He takes the early shift so I can sleep til 8am and knows how to pack a baby bag better than I do. We have a nanny 4 days a week (which I just desperately upped to 5 starting in January). Sure, I’m pretty busy with work and Brian is back working, too, but you’d think that between the 3 of us we’d be killing it and have it all under control. But as most of you parents know it doesn’t matter how many nannies, sitters, grandparents you have, if you are around your children want YOU. Don’t get me wrong, it helps an enormous amount, too. All of you who care for your kids (one or more) without help all day, ever day are incredible and I’m not sure how you stay sane. Maybe none of us are. Our nanny takes Charlie to the park, his preschool class, Kids Space, etc and has kept his life fairly routine which has been great for him and has given me time to cuddle and bond with Elliot.
On the work front Brady, Sara and Ginny are keeping the blog and company alive and thriving while I’m doing more of the high level concepting, writing and of course anything on camera. I try to answer emails on my phone while nursing and I write the blog posts that I do write, after Charlie goes to bed (or in this case in the car on the way to set, with Elliot sleeping and the Uber driving thinking ‘what is this lady doing with her baby in a car for an hour and a half commute . “)… Thanks for sticking with us during my maternity leave, guys. I know the content changes a bit and there is less of me, but that’s just the way it has to be for a while. (Next week we have less makeover takeover and a couple shelter reveal posts, a design mistake and some outtakes from a recent fashion shoot). GrammarGate cracked me up – (even though I didn’t even write that post!!!) because we are human beings, over here scrambling to stay on top of things, and yes, some apostrophes are going in inappropriate places which can be certainly annoying to look it (its not an excuse, but it is the reason). Lesson learned. Y’all spoke up and now everyone is TERRIFIED to push publish without like 6 random strangers with doctorates in linguistics reading over each sentence. Bare with us, I think a copy editor is starting next week. Lets hope this one sticks.
Anyway …
That’s how “I’m doing it” – by having a lot of other people helping me constantly to “do it, ” basically. I’m not a super mom doing everyone on my own, but I am surviving thanks to a lot of people helping out. Sometimes even ‘surviving’ seems like a feat and just getting through the day seems like an accomplishment.
Despite how tired and overwhelmed I sound life is really good and most of the day is actually even fun. Once I get a coffee down my coffee hole, the morning is doable. And once I sit down to conquer my emails, I can get back into work mode. Once Charlie heads out to the park he’s so happy without us. Charlie likes Elliot a lot. He gets really sad about me being gone right now and has shown sadness with Elliot getting our attention, but he’s taking it out more on me than her, which I think is a good thing. I can’t wait til they are 3 and 5 and can really play together, and yet I can wait. I know that these years may be the most chaotic (I hope these are the most chaotic) but I certainly don’t want them to be sped up.
Every day is like watching an epic 3 hour musical that you’ve loved FOREVER (think Les Mis). As much as you know and love every word of every song, you are ready for the intermission when it comes. And hopefully there is a glass of wine waiting for you at the concession stand.
Happy Friday, folks
* First photo by Tessa Neustadt. Photo of me reading with the kids by Stephanie Todaro. Photo of Elliot and I in the office by Jess Issac
Isn’t it wonderful to have this type of chaotic in your life.
It is like true friends, true fans of your blog/style/design will be there through the bumps, changes and grammar.
This comment is so well put!
BTW, I am a professional copywriter and editor who LOVES, LOVES, LOVES your blog. And I sucked up every word of Brady’s post without even noticing (gasp!) the offending apostrophes. Grammar and syntax are critically important to me. But sometimes (all the time?) content wins, and we just have to get over ourselves. Keep doing exactly what you’re doing!
Kirsten, I felt the same way! I am also a professional copy editor and while I notice the errors, if the content is good enough it matters less. I think we all understand Brady and the rest of your team are super busy right now and will make mistakes.
P.S. I feel like I should personally thank you for hiring a copy editor! When I was in college I always talked about offering my editing services to bloggers but never did it. ha. I mean, how do you approach people and say, “Love you blog, notice all your mistakes”? That’s tricky.
Thanks for these comments. I felt the same way: Brady’s post was SO GOOD in terms of content, I barely noticed any grammar mistakes. I felt just TERRIBLE for Brady that the fantastic content was being so overlooked and there was so much focus on a few small mistakes. I talked to husband about it that evening, I felt so badly about it and he made this point: It seems the greater our level of anonymity like on social media/internet, the less diplomacy we use sometimes. Not to be too preachy but we are, all of us, human beings and because of that, mistakes happen sometimes. I know when I make one, it makes my day if anyone effected is gracious about it…… just my two cents.
My kids are 18 months apart and when I think back on the first year with my 2nd it’s a blur (a wonderful blur but still a blur). Don’t worry you won’t have to wait until 3 and 5 for them to play together it will happen much faster than you think! Best wishes to you and your gorgeous family!
It’s good to hear that things are going as well as expected with two tiny people around. I have 2 boys that are just over 2 years apart and the first 7 or so months put me through the ringer! They’re 3 and 1 now and will often retreat to my preschooler’s room to play together and I still get super excited every time *I* don’t have to entertain!
Having help is so important and wonderful at that stage! I’m just a midwestern mom of two who works about 5 hours/week from home but my one morning per week with a nanny is pretty much the best thing I’ve ever done for myself!
Savour every moment because one day you will wake up and they will be 18 and 20 and you will wonder how on earth that happened!
YES!! This, this right here. The first weeks and months immediately after I had my second (mine are exactly 2 years apart) were the craziest months of my career, and that time is such a complete blur. You summed up the baby years perfectly about wanting a phase to pass without time going by – if I could freeze my children in their “perfect” moments at 1 1/2 and 3 1/2, I would do it in an instant! Just wait until they can play together, and they hug and hold hands and say they love each other – mine are starting to do that and it makes my heart explode every time. Congrats to you and your wonderful family.
Hi Emily! Thank you for letting us know how you’re doing! My 2 boys are 6 and almost 3 (Dec.!)! I’m not gonna lie — it is still overwhelming – just in different ways! I love your outlook and writing style — and I totally relate to every word of this!
Regarding sleeping on your chest —- ENJOY IT!!! Not every sleep tho – only for naps, 1 or 2 times a day — definitely if they don’t feel well! I have found with my 2, to savor it — when they are ready to sleep on their own, they will let you know! Both boys, I would rock to sleep as babies – and then one day, for each of them, around the 2 year mark – they wouldn’t fall asleep in my arms – I laid them in their cribs and the both snuggled in and fell asleep within minutes! It was amazing! So, I looked back at those snuggle sessions as soo nice – even tho sometimes, you just want to be alone! When its over, it sad!
Thank you so much for your always candid and funny stories, this one has been really helpful for me in particular, I’ve been feeling the pressure to have kids but its not something I’ve ever really wanted for myself, I’m one of those odd ball chicks (apparently 1 in 5 women don’t really want kids).
The one thing I’ve always known is that the lack of enthusiasm to become a mom coupled with next to no outside help (I would have to be a stay at home and no grandparents live nearby) would probably be a really bad situation for both baby and me, however temporary, it would take a serious toll.
Hope I’m not being too much of a downer with this comment but I just wanted to say how much it helps to hear both the good and bad…rather than just the good most of the time, the perspective is priceless!
You have a beautiful family, congrats and best of luck, thank you again for sharing 🙂
I seriously just love your perspective and writing voice. Mine are now 1 and 4, and I’m still trying to get a hang of the two kids thing. We don’t have a babysitter or family close by, but my friends are amazing and invaluable and I would totally not survive without their help. It’s starting getting more fun and less “oh my god, she’s going to kill him!!!” When he started walking a few months ago. Now they hold hands to walk around the trails, play hide n go seek together, and he pushes her on her little ride on car all around the house. She reads to him…it really is just so adorable and totally the reason you go through the mayhem of two.
You are killing it on the blog, and I thoroughly appreciate the effort that takes on all fronts. Great job team EHD!
Dear Emily, you are truly amazing. My two are about YOUR age now, and your blog so reminds me of what that time of life is like. And though I wasn’t working at the same time, as you are, I was alone way out in rural Atlantic Canada, heating with, and cooking on, a wood stove, and cloth diapers on the line outside, uh huh…
You will never forget the smell of their little heads or the unbelievably soft skin. And you will forget how exhausted you are.
(All that said … its “bear with me” – not “bare” … although you are “baring your soul” with us.)
Thanks again
Such a nice post until…
It’s it’s too. 🙂
Hahaha… I’m so glad someone else said it. 🙂 At this point it’s just kind of funny. Anyway… Emily you are AWESOME and I LOVE YOUR BLOG and your BOOK and your STAFF! And I think Makeover Takeover is brilliant. And your kids are sooooo sweet. XO!
Haha! I loved that this lil’ homophone mix-up was in the paragraph about the copy editing! It made me smile.
Thanks for writing and keeping us in the loop! I appreciate the shout out to parents without hired help. The answer is that we don’t *really* stay sane and, despite many years of experience working with kids and teaching parents, we yell at our kids more than we’d like. Then we try again tomorrow like everyone else.
You CAN and SHOULD hold that little baby when she sleeps whenever you want. It won’t become a habit and, if it does, the sleep consultant I work with/for says that any tiny person sleep habit/routine (good or bad) can be changed in about a week, so do whatever feels right to you.
We have a 1.5 year old and are on the fence about when/if we should start inviting the possibility of #2. This post is helping me feel more open to heading in that direction!
Wow! Sounding like superwoman right now! And nobody minds that you’re not here quite so much – time with Elliot and Charlie and Brian is the most important thing right now! Forget about us!
(Also, freelance copyeditor here, you know, if you ever need another one! ;-))
“BARE with us.” Hee hee. Don’t worry about it. If we don’t mess it up, autocorrect will.
And right after it… LET’S hope this one sticks.
Charlie and Elliot will be playing together before you know it! I have a 2 year old (boy) and a 7 month old (girl) and they already are taking baths together, cracking each other up and plotting against me on a daily basis. You hit the nail on the head with the “work” being second nature you don’t even consider it work. You will become an even-more well-oiled machine and you will realize how much free time you had with just one baby!
PS- Love your book!!
I hope, Emily, you’ll save this post for your children. So well written! And obviously heartfelt. You’re doing good, you married well, and your family is all the better for it. Carry on!
The short age gap is a killer. It’s not like charlie can grab you a baby wipe or a bottle when you need it.. Mine are all two years apart and if I could’ve spaced them farther apart, I might have. I had my last one at 37 so I didn’t have much time to think about it. But it will get better/easier…less physical anyway. I’m so happy for you and I love seeing/hearing your baby stories. So sweet. 🙂
GrammarGate! too funny.
Mom of girls ages 2 and 4 here. Two kids is no joke—thanks for being so honest. You are doing wonderfully. And on the grammar front: I’ll happily send in my copy editor resume if you are looking for someone to hire!
I can’t believe you hired a copy editor and it’s not ME!
You’re lucky that you, Brian, Charlie and Elliot are so damn cute, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to forgive you.
If/when this copy editor gives up, I’ll still be available.
We love you! No apologies! And it’s “bear” with it;). Because we want to HELP you with the grammar….
People are either picking on her hats or her punctuation. Unbelievable.
Blog policing is a bore. In effort to help eradicate it, I’m going to correct your correction.
Corrections: “Bare” is an instance of improper usage, not improper grammar. Furthermore, your ellipse makes no sense.
If you’re going to nitpick, be accurate. Better yet, don’t nitpick.
We’re here for the design and life points of view, not to see The Chicago Manual of Style brought to life. I’m with Miranda.
Emily, keep on keeping on!
“Furthermore, your ellipse makes no sense.’ That made me bust out laughing. Well played!
People need to CHILL OUT! You are doing an awesome job being a mama, a wife, a business woman. You, your staff, your cat forgets an apostrophe? An adverb? Misuses a noun? WHO CARES?!
P.S. I’m one of those beloved readers who REALLY enjoy your lifestyle/mommy blog moments as much as, dare I say, the design content. You sharing your LIFE with us is much more meaningful and touches more hearts than the right use of a bronze sconce.
P.P.S? Your staff are doing AWESOME with their MakeoverTakeovers. Good for them. I look forward to their content.
You all are one adorable family!!! No ugly gene for you guys. The pictures are great. Double blessed.
I am fairly new to your blog and I’m loving it ! My “babies” are now 20 & 22 years old so I love hearing about your little ones.
It truly goes by fast so enjoy them and God Bless!
my boys are 22 mo apart. it doesnt take until 3&5 for it to be feel fun..the first year IS hard especially with nursing causing some serious jealousy, but after that it is great. you sound like a great mom, well done.
I love this post! I love this blog! You are doing an awesome job on all fronts. Keep snuggling that baby! This is a beautifully written post on being a mom of more than one child. I have three girls 7 and under and can absolutely relate to wanting life to get a bit easier but at the SAME EXACT TIME wanting to press pause on this magical time of them still being littles. I know it’s not easy but you’re doing great!!
Good job mama! Hang in there. I’ve been looking forward to a fam update for weeks! Thanks for sharing, sounds like you’re doing great!
What a beautiful and insightful post. Im impressed you can still kill it, when you’re recovering from baby brain. Thanks for sharing.
My mom used to say when you have one child, you are an amateur parent. Only when you have two are you really a pro. I recall going to a swimming lesson with 2 toddlers and a one week old, only to encounter a woman with 6 kids, who told me #3 is the hardest – you go from 2 parents and 2 hands and 2 kids, to not enough. And everything after that is fine.
for some reason this really struck a cord today…thanks
Happy weekend Em’s!
Love this, Emily. Please treat yourself and your babe to a ring sling. Soul Slings and Sakura Bloom both make spectacularly gorgeous ones and there are dozens and dozens of you tube vids that will help you use it and wear her correctly. Hands free + babe close = game changer. <3
Love this post so much! I’m expecting my 2nd and my 1st will be just under 2 when the new baby arrives. This definitely gets me excited for what’s in store, despite the chaos! Thank you for sharing Emily!
thank you so much for this! you’re honesty is so refreshing. my hubs and i are thinking of no 2, and i just keep thinking “HOW?!” but we want more than one kid so.. let the chaos begin! You’re doing exceptionally well, and eff the grammar police!
Love all those pictures and your wonderful dedication to motherhood. It truly is the only thing that brings lasting happiness. Someone gave me the best analogy ever. When we work in the world it is like sticking our hand in a bowl of water and stirring frantically. The water splashes and dances and we feel so powerful. But when we remove our hand, the water quickly becomes quiet again and it is as if we were never there. The time we spend working with our family is like stirring cement, not nearly as exciting and much “messier”. It is harder to move, harder to work. But when we remove our hand, the imprint remains forever.
“…adorably bothering other patrons” I hope you’re
buying drinks for these people.
That blush check pillow in the last photo….Who/What/Where?? That’s exactly what I need to tie my living room together!
What’s the expression? The years fly by, but the days last forever? It’s so true! I have 3 boys each 2 years apart. The early days are a complete blur, and I will admit that I once ditched a shopping cart at the grocery store – after removing the toddler from the basket, grabbing the infant car seat and the hand of my preschooler. We ALL melted down! All I can say is take lots of pictures! My oldest turned 21 this week and it went by in a flash – although I will admit that when people told me it went by fast, I didn’t believe it when they were little. It wasn’t until they were all in elementary school, and your schedule is dictated by the school calendar and holidays that it started to fly. Anyway… enjoy it and know that the sleep deprivation is (mostly) forgotten. As the parent of a high schooler and two college students, I can’t say that the anxiety goes away. It just changes, but it becomes part of your DNA. It’s a beautiful ride!
laughing, laughing, laughing … I remember those days so well, and you capture that cozy crazy so well. How we, it’s so ironic that in talking about grammar-gate, you say “bare with us” instead of “bear with us.” I love your blog, but I don’t want to get based with you 😛
… Stupid autocorrect … “however” not “how we” and “get naked” not “get based” and this time autocorrect tried to change THAT to “get bared” !!! so isn’t that ironic for me.
Such beautiful pictures! You’re right about it being the most chaotic but lovely time all at once. And the blog isn’t suffering, loving the makeover takeover series 🙂
Gah! My daughter was 22 months old when my son was born!!! My hubby traveled for a week at a time. It. Was. Insane! Now they are 4 and 6 and it is so much easier. He is able to participate in her pretend games and they will occupy themselves for awhile before I need to intervene. Of course, they also scheme together. The other day they were super quiet in their bedroom and I checked on them and they had used scissors to cut up his Ikea mattress!!!!! That was one of my not so nice, mommy freak out moments.
1. I have been a faithful reader of your blog for years and these family posts about your life make me so, so happy! Your children are so blessed to be a part of your family!
2. I write reports that get sent to government agencies and become a part of public record, and there are occasionally grammar mistakes. However, conveying the correct concepts and details in my report is exponentially more important than one or two grammar errors. I’m pretty sure the same thing applies to blogging and when it comes to content, you guys are unparalleled.
3. I’m really enjoying the variety that your team is bringing to the table! Thanks for keeping it interesting and fresh! Enjoy your mama time!
Love reading your blog, and very much relate to this post (mine are 4 and 6 now but boy do I remember the early days of being mom of 2 with a high-pressure career that I loved and wanted to be present for too!). I’m sure keeping up with your job and blog and assistants and commitments and all is very important to your long-term career success, but I kinda just want to say couldn’t you post a lovely picture of Elliot and say “see you all in 2-3 months, we’ll get back to sharing all the details of our life then!” You’re right, baby chest sleeping doesn’t last forever, it’s very fleeting, and wouldn’t it be lovely if you could just savor the little baby noises and forget about responding to email on your phone whilst snuggling? The internet can be a cruel place, but if you fell into a black hole and disappeared for the next 3 months, you would be very missed but by no means forgotten. There would be ample style emergencies awaiting you when you return (that wasn’t intended to belittle your career, just to point out that all jobs feel mega important and like… Read more »
Oh, how well I remember those early months of infant hood. I felt duped, no one had prepared me in the least for how hard it is. I remember crying, reading an Ann Landers column advising young mothers to go out to eat, take a break. I felt as though I needed a weeks vacation and no meal could help that! My fatigue was directly related to lack of sleep. As soon as I was able to get a good nights sleep, everything changed!
Yay, thanks for the update! Congratulations to your whole family. I LOVE the makeover takeover posts and all of your blog content, including the personal. I think you and your team are doing an awesome job!!
You need a copy editor! Bear not Bare.
http://www.dailywritingtips.com/bare-or-bear-with-me/
Holding my newborn and bonding with him are some of the best moments of my life. I held him as much as I liked, how can you spoil an infant that has already spent 9 months inside your belly?
Enjoy your family. Thank you for your enjoyable blog.
Beautiful! You have this as figured out as anyone can – so great that you have a supportive husband and team around to help. My babies are now 11 and 8. Each stage is great in its own way, but I really do miss the itty bitty snuggly stage. So glad you’re relishing it!
You’re doing such a great job! A lot of people talk about how going from 1-2 isn’t that hard but I think it’s an adjustment no matter what(and was definitely hard for me and my blog). You’re such a good mother, and your kids adore you.
Paige
http://thehappyflammily.com
Thank you for sharing about your family. Even though I’m obsessed with your work as a designer, I absolutely love hearing about your sweet family! I have six kids, ages 20 to 16 months. Life is crazy, but wonderful…..most days. Every phase posesses beauty and chaos. Not always equally balanced, but rad nonetheless. It’s a wild ride for sure.
Emily!! You’re amazing!! My mom had me, and then 18 months later, my brother, and 15 months later, my next brother. 3 kids, under the age of 3! 3 kids in cloth diapers!! She says to this day, almost 30 years later.. it was the BEST thing they ever did, and she would do it over 100 times. My brothers and I grew up as best friends in all phases of life. Charlie and Elliot will have this, too!! xo
Very happy for you. And I love the makeover takeovers….ready for updates on every room!
Don’t worry about us Emily! We will be here and the content it not suffering at all! If anything, I can’t wait for the Takeovers.
Also, please don’t worry about the grammer police! You are designers, not editors, and there is no reason people should expect you to be both. A general understanding of the english language is good enough for me! I write professional documents all day but, writing is not my training and not what I get paid for. Same with you guys!
I just love Charlies little tippy toe in the first picture. So Sweet.
My kids are 10 and 12 now and I still don’t have the hang of it. Some days I’m super mom, others no so much. They are exactly 2 years apart. I remember my first got sick on his birthday, so sick he had to go to the hospital for IV fluids. They thought I was checking in to have my next one. I looked like I was about to pop starting around 6 months. It all turned out fine and we all need a little drama in out lives, right?