gold line svg

Styling

Creepy Man Head Debate

234

There has been another man in my life for a few years – 5 to be exact … and Brian HATES him. I actually don’t even love him, but I can’t seem to get rid of him. Like that mediocre friend that you should kinda break-up with, but instead end up stringing along for years just by grabbing coffee or drinks with them every 6 months, because they nag you enough and it’s easier to do that then to dodge their hang-out requests? That is this guy, the head sculpture, above.

I have a thing for heads, certainly, that started out in the normal ‘bust’ category (a perfectly respectable thing to collect), but quickly moved into studio art of creepy strangers – a less ‘classy’ obsession. Let this be a lesson to you – life is really just one big slippery slope. This guy, who we strangely never named, but who looks a lot like James Garner, has been hard to let go of because he’s not creepy enough. I had some weeping baby heads for a while and yeah, those were creepy. But he is in a pleasant color palette and looks like he might be a cool dude. Like you might go to his house for a BBQ, where he starts drinking inappropriately early and knows a lot of references to obscure comedies, like ‘Strange Brew’. He also might be someone who you want to keep your children away from, it’s hard to tell.

The background: I first used him on my show, Secrets From a Stylist, and the homeowners pretty much threw him at my car after we wrapped that episode. They were NOT into him. So, fine, I took him home where I put him in storage because I got sick of people being like, ‘who is THAT?’ all the time.

shelf-styling-sculpture

I pulled him out a few years ago and styled him on a shelf for a shoot, where he lasted a week before Brian’s jealousy reared its ugly head and he made me shove him back in a cupboard.

I actually can’t believe I moved houses with him – he’s REALLY heavy. But low and behold he showed up last year in a shoot for Matchbook:

MatchbookSpread_June2014_emily

He’s just back there, checking me out. Wondering why my legs are the EXACT color of the sofa.

As we were deciding what to sell on The Flea and what to keep, I thought, this guy? Am I ready to let him go? Would anybody else really want him? Do I want him? And if I don’t then why do I still have him? And as we took the time to decide he slowly got more and more damaged to the point that his collar is practically hanging on by a string and selling him might not be even worth the wrapping/shipping time.

Then last week I Instagrammed a photo with him in it, and all y’all really gave your opinions on that man, which made me think – let’s waste a post on him.

Let’s let our collective love, like, dislike, or hate be his fate.

So, I figured I’d ask all of you: Do we keep this not so ugly, but still kinda creepy sculpture of a strange man’s head around or do we get rid of it?

You decide. It’s poll time:

Keep him out in the open

Keep him, but store in a cupboard

Donate

Sell OR

Break with blunt objects in a ritualistic ceremony, thus ending my relationship with him permanently, while glueing my marriage back together at the same time. OOH, we could snapchat it. Snapchat is super good for marriages, I hear.

Eh? Now vote!

*In case the humor isn’t translating, there obviously is no jealousy or marital issues surrounding this head. Now the photos of my ex-boyfriend that I have plastered on my walls? Those are a bit trickier 🙂

Fin Mark

WANT MORE OF WHERE THAT CAME FROM?

Never miss a single post and get a little something extra on Saturdays.

Comments are closed.
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
gmere

I’d say blunt object, but it’s a FACE. Could you sneak up on him and deliver the blow from behind?

I’m with GMERE…. He’s just so… creepy…

Christie

I think it is the yellow around his eyes that really punch up the creepy factor

erin

i love it.. sneak up on him! shatter it!

Celeste

I can’t imagine anyone wanting to actually buy it. (sorry) I vote for a decent burial.

Haley

I second the decent burial!

girl, you so funny.

my vote: Break with blunt objects in a ritualistic ceremony thus ending my relationship with him permanently

Karla

All I keep thinking is — that head looks a little like Bill Murray from the side. That’s good in my book!

Sara Beth

I also thought it looked a bit like Bill Murray from the side!

I think what I like about this sculpture/bust isn’t the face but the soft color and the organic texture. Hard decision. I say sell it, maybe someone out there will love it.

Queue Queen Somebody to Love

Becky

I thought Bill Murray, too!

Can we just gift it to Bill?

Jessica

I def thought it looked like Bill Murray too, which kind of makes him awesome. It’s as if someone took a sculpting class and we tasked with developing a celebrity bust. They chose Bill Murray as their muse but they just couldn’t quite execute fully.

KEEP!

Definitely looks like Bill Murray from the side, and totally worth keeping the little creep! It’s a perfect conversation piece and keeps a little personality in your design! 🙂

Jonathan Kelley

I love it. So weird. So kitschy-fun. I feel like he was the star of a Lionel Richie music video.

Annabel

Yes! I think that too. HELLO? Is it me your looking for? Creepiest music video ever.

Grace

Use him as leverage!

Next time Brian doesn’t agree with a particular purchase or design choice, use getting rid of the head as your “compromise”.

Meg

HA! This made me laugh. Speaking of things that are super good for marriages 🙂

Alison

This is GENIUS

Alyssa

Definitely break with blunt objects, he is just too darn creepy!

Stephanie

Is it weird that I want you to keep him in your house out in the open, but I wouldn’t want him in my house? You’re cool enough to pull him off, Emily!

Jolene

LOL! This was my thought too! I kinda like him –> in your house. I don’t know if I would want him in mine. He’s definitely not creepy to me. Maybe he’s just really photogenic, but in real life he’s just too weird. Having said all that, though, I think my actual vote is to sell him to someone who really likes him.

johnny

Paint it out in white, maybe that will dial down the creep factor.

Katrina

Yes, spray him white! Then he would be a Greek god and you could put gold laurel leaves on his head…..too much?

Jackie D

Oooh, love it!

I had this exact thought! Break out the spray paint!

Or, sneak him into Orlando’s house and place him somewhere to startle Orlando. . .

Lisa H.

This is it! He needs to become the long-standing, practical joke between you and the rest of the design team. Take turns hiding him in random spaces all over your studio and/or each other’s houses. Too fun!

Debbie W.

I think he would make the best white elephant gift ever!!! Possibly for Orlando?

Kiwi

Dress him like a clown and put him in a box like Gwyneth Paltrow’s head in Seven and give it as an Orcondo housewarming gift! And film it, naturally.

Elyse

Ok, so from an 3/4 facing angle he is slightly off putting but not enough to lower the Caesar wrap from my mouth while reading the post on my lunch break. When I scrolled to the full frontal I put down the wrap in terror. Yikes.

The only remedy I think for him to ever be in public is to spray paint him an all over white (shiny or matte?) to make it feel more like a true bust? I think the muted but lifelike colors are the issue.

So for me its an all over paint or sad slow burial.

Cindy

Keep him, but paint him all white.

You can’t crush Ernest Hemingway’s head with blunt force trauma…think of the writing karma in that! I say find a small table, display him proudly on the curb and video what goes on for the blog….I wanna see who takes him home to have this exact dilemma with their spouse for the next 5 years….

Jo

He has always been Hemmingway to me, too.

Christelle

to me too !

julie

He needs to go. away. somewhere dark.

Suzanne

Keep him out in the open — but he needs a story that defines him as not creepy

Gretchen Myhre

the true test – what does Charlie think of him?!

meredith

I think sell him as a charity fundraiser?!?

Abby

I’m personally not a fan, but someone will like him…make some money off that man!

Katrina

Donate him, put a sticker under him with a note of, “You bought me, why? [email protected]” Would be fun to see if someone actually emailed you and bought it.

Haley

I like this idea! I don’t mind it, but busts aren’t really my style… I’m sure SOMEONE out there would like him

Sarah

Emily (and everyone who wants to know),
The Target patio set is back online for purchase.

http://m.target.com/p/threshold-carag-3-piece-sling-rope-chat-set/-/A-16368282

Cynthia

This post is so funny. One my favorites ever. Thank you for waking me up with a laugh!

He’s hideous, but now I love him. You must keep him …as a writing prompt …or a joke decoration at parties (I envision him in a Santa hat for Christmas or a stovepipe hat for Presidents Day). A little probably does go a very long way, so bury him deep in storage.

meredith

^^ I can see this!! he pops up in unexpected places/ situations like elf on a shelf! But then you really may get divorced. My husband feels the same way about me installing a fairy door (http://littlefairydoor.com) . I keep threatening to do it when he is out of town. I dont think he would notice…

jade

Okay, I like the idea of it being like elf on the shelf (even though I hate the actual elf on the shelf thing) but, girl- that fairy door is creepy! 🙂

Trish

I love the Elf on the shelf comparison. Did y’all hear of whore in the drawer. Maybe he could be Man in the stand lmao

Hannah Rose

Donate – it’s time to let someone else crush on him. You’ve used him, now lose him. 🙂

Amelia

He’s fine. Sell him, and someone can reference this post when they explain why they spent $$ on his creepy face.

Sarah

What?!?! What’s not to LOVE!
When you had you’re other busts on the flea, I was hoping he’d be there!

Kathy Brock

Keep him, but store in a cupboard

He looks more like Bill Murray to me than James Garner, and I’ve met Bill Murray before and he’s the weirdest person alive, maybe not in a good way. I say smash him.

Lucy

Even in old age James Garner was still handsome. This dude is definitely not.
Now that you’ve had your fun with him it’s time to sell (or raffle) him off. Seems like enough readers are interested.

Lucy

I meant to include that I agree with the Bill Murray comparison.

Jean

Too creepy, chuck

marvin

Definitely has to go. Don’t know who would want to buy him so it’s probably easier to just donate or sacrifice in a ceremony!

Could you imagine how creepy it would be to open a cupboard only to find him in there!?

As I see it, there are 2 options:

1) Paint him white (like the comments above), I think he’d look awesome.

2) Donate. If you don’t want to keep him on display or paint him white, there is no sense in keeping him stored away. Just get rid of it! Someone else can enjoy his creepiness.

Lisa B

I don’t think he looks like James Garner, more like Michael Caine. Maybe you should let Brian smash him.

Jennifer Adam

Get rid of him. Donate him and let him find someone who can appreciate him in all of his creepy glory.

Emily

What about spray painting him a solid color? Like gold? I did that to an ugly owl figure of mine and it is much more fabulous now.

Donate! I know someone out there would love him.

NicoleD

Toss or donate! Eww…

al

Blunt object. Definitely. Save the marriage.

♪♫ Let it go! Let it go! ♫

Tonya Ricucci

sell it! hopefully it will go to home where he will be a prized possession loved by all who live there.

Trish

I would keep for conversation purposes. Just consider all the history and stories you have! I love quirky and why shove him in a box someone created him lol

erin

keep him!

Suzane Henderson

Drop from a 10 story building! Too bad David Letterman isn’t around anymore.

April

I vote to keep it! We bought a similar piece at the Eastern Market in DC years ago! His name is Steve and almost feels like part of the family now. Quirky is fun and adds so much personality to a space. If you sell him, send him my way he will fit in with the growing collection of weird man busts we have.

Lynn

Hilarious post, but you need to understand (from a former watcher of Maverick reruns) that James Garner is actually quite a handsome man. I see no resemblance here.

As to next steps: you should clearly sell, as someone will buy him. Probably. (Or use him as a present in your next white elephant gift exchange?) Painting him white would likely improve him, but it would be really odd to see a Greek emperor with a collar like that. So it would still be weird.

Now that you’ve dedicated an entire post on him and his detailed fictional personality, you kind of have to keep him, right?

I say keep in a cupboard, but continue to sneak him into photoshoots here and there, see who notices.

nastassja

I say auction it off and see how much he could possibly go for lol

Yes, hammer to the dome on that guy- Office Space style. Faces/heads/mannequins and the like give me the heebie jeebies big time. The yellow tones around his eye balls really sealed the deal. And what’s the the pseudo collar he has going on?

I have so many questions and very few answers.

Lynn

Yes! I meant to mention the yellow/jaundice thing going on around the eyes. That’s what makes him look a little psycho.

Stephanie

Get rid of it!

I like this creepy head! It makes nice element of decor and is reminiscent of antique and I love all antiques, especially the rugs: http://www.dorisleslieblau.com/antique-rugs

Julianne

Can you just paint over him in colors that match your decor? Pick a pallet that is less “this might have actually been someone’s head at one point”…

A Morrow

I have a creepy head too, my friends named him Norm . He is poop brown and kind of looks like Moses or possibly Elvis. I bought him at an auction for $3. I can not part with him because he has been the topic of conversation many a time. My vote is to keep him, don’t give in to the peer pressure to destroy him! If he is worthy of a blog post, he is worthy to keep around in the open!

Emily K

Put a red knit cap on him. Then probably sell him. Someone will want him just like you did. In fact if I found him at a junk store for <$10 I'd buy him.

I completely support you in continuing your relationship with the creepy man head. I don’t know how much my opinion counts, however, as I have a creepy, ethnically-ambiguous ceramic lady head that lives above the fireplace in my living room.
I feel like we’re sort of heroes for providing safe, (somewhat) loving homes for these disembodied noggins to live.

Emily

Hide semi-creepy dude somewhere in LA and create an online treasure hunt until some (un?)lucky fan finds him (or he is seized by a passerby as fate might dictate).

Go To Top
[3041]
[3041]
[3041]
[3041]
[3041]
[3041]
[3041]
[3041]
[3041]
[3041]
[3041]
[3041]