Ramblings of a new mom …

Well folks, you may have noticed that i’ve been really busy lately by my lack of posting. Do you know how much time it takes to properly shape the mind of a newborn? So many hours. It includes lots of kisses to the feet, lots of fingers playing air piano on the belly, and making up of some of the most ridiculous lyrics/songs that you want to both tape for posterity and erase from your memory. I’ve been BUSY.

charlie henderson

Then there is the napping on you, napping with you and you figuring out how and when the hell they should actually be napping. Charlie is 10 weeks old now and things are still physically manageable, just emotionally overwhelming. He’s sleeping enough, thank god, but I realized that one of the reasons that women are more exhausted post motherhood isn’t because we sleep less, necessarily, but because during the waking hours we are busy containing our emotions and large amounts of love. I love him so much it truly is daunting and coping with that stress is just mind-numbingly draining at times, in a good way. … See? Thats why they say that people with kids are “less happy” then people without kids. I’ve never been happier in my life to the point that I cry happy tears all the time, and yet I’m worried every second of the day that i’m going to accidentally crack his head open on the stairs, or that every car on the road is going to lose control for no reason at any moment and hit our car. My best friend had a reoccuring fear that someone was going to break into her house and shoot her baby up with heroine because she saw it on the news once. I mean, no wonder there are more women in mental institutes than men. No wonder moms can be kinda batty. This stuff is super intense EVERY SINGLE SECOND of the day.

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Anyway. I’ve been working a lot but mostly when he’s asleep, with Brian or when he’s chilling and fine just sitting next to me in his bouncer. We moved that little table up into the living room that way I can work from here when I want to be near him, and in the office downstairs when I need to do conference calls, etc. I tried having him in on a conference call and he was rather inarticulate and off message in general.

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That was my afternoon on Saturday for an hour which was so wonderful I could have cried. That is until he was like, ‘Oh yeah? You want to cry? Well check this out.’ and he decided to do the crying for me for 25 minutes. Such a baby.

But most of the time he’s pretty mellow. He likes to stick his tongue out like his father taught him, and he likes to hum and growl while he’s eating as if every drop is the most delicious thing in the world (also like his father … only with actual food obviousy). He likes to flail his arms around when he’s frustrated like he’s dramatically typing a letter, which we in turn then audibly narrate – usually pretending it is to the CPS about our parenting skills. “Dear Ma’am and Sir, These people really have no idea what they are doing … “

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Having a kid makes every day both really important and really unimportant at the same time. Let me explain: Its really important because the way I drive, every word that comes out of my mouth, every time decision I make effects something so much larger. I watch every step I take up and down the stairs when i’m holding him so that I don’t slip fall and kill one of us. Ugh, its stressful.

But at the same time nothing matters as long as Brian and Charlie are alive. We could lose the house, I could lose my limbs, I could be publicly shamed by something I said taken out of context and never be able to work again, and I would just chant to myself, ‘At least Brian and Charlie are still alive’ and i’d recover. Before I had Charlie when I received bad news about work or a client was upset and refusing to pay for something they approved, I would think, ‘Well, at least I wasn’t a ‘cellar kid‘, referring to babies (yes there have been multiple cases) who are raised in basements their entire lives by insidious parents. It sounds super dark to think about constantly but it puts everything in perspective instantly. Some people never had a chance at a good life. I am not one of those people and therefore have a lot of be grateful for. And now my ‘cellar kid’ is Charlie’s life. As long as he is alive then i’ll be grateful every day no matter what else happens. Or else this is this the new mom hormone talking. Who knows.

Controlling, processing and verbalizing a mothers love is endless, difficult and totally unbelievably wonderful. It’s like every day is a huge surprise party with all of your favorite family and friends. And then Ryan Reynolds, Betty White and Melissa McCarthy show up and do a comedic one act play they wrote just for you. Its a lot of happiness to process. Every. Single. Day.

em

So thats what i’ve been up to – squeezing toes, rubbing heads, endlessly kissing cheeks and coming to terms with the fact that the obsession is probably just one sided for now.  I just love him so much I want to consume him, eat him, devour him up  … in a good way. I know i’m not alone, right?

  1. Julie

    This is awesome. I’m having a baby in 5 or 6 or 7 weeks and this is reassuring. That I’m going to Love it. So thank you. I’m going to have a crazy summer where I just take care of the baby and have wild sleep patterns like you’ve described and grow my hair out. That is all.

    I still need that post of your baby shower decorations, Lady.

    • Lisa B

      Your post reminded me of a poem, “A Little Fellow Follows Me.” You can find it online. It’s about how everything you do now is important.

  2. Dee

    Wow! Sounds busy, thanks for sharing! I’m about to have my first little one in 8 weeks time and have been wondering how I will keep up with work and raise the little one. It sounds like I will need to get a bouncer. lol
    dee@delolovesdesign

  3. Thami

    My son will be 16 this July, and I still worry about him every second of every day, and don’t even talk to me about the fact he’ll be DRIVING soon. Terrifying. Nobody ever tells you how stressful it is to love someone so much it worries you sick, forever and ever… but, it’s so worth it. :o)

    • Fiona

      Ha! My daughter won’t drive for ten years, and I’m already worried! Good luck to you.

  4. My love for this post.. I’m not sure how to even articulate it. I can tell that you and I process things on a very similar level, in terms of dark “what can I recover from” reminders and thoughts of people wildly loosing control of their cars for no reason. I see my future as a mom and it is a very emotional (possibly unstable) future… but you make it sound *so* good. ;) I can’t wait!

    • Emily

      Its sooo good. Trust me.

  5. Jodie

    Yep! All this and more. And it gets easier and harder as they get older. More intense and more joyful.

    Also: that is an adorable little person you’ve made there. Congrats!

    • Emily

      Why thank you. :)

  6. andee

    You are making it sound pretty great Emily! You bloggers always saying how much you love your babies and then making me think maybe I need one? : )

  7. Courtney

    Wow. He is so adorable. I loved reading this because I am due April 4th with my first. It’s so comforting to read about new moms and how they spend their day, how they are feeling, etc. The good and the bad. Thank you for sharing.

  8. Isn’t it just overwhelming…. the love for a child. It is certainly draining on an emotional level, thinking about all the things that could go wrong. I completely empathize and understand. It never really goes away either, they grow up and it becomes a new set of concerns and worries. Your husband, your ally, your best friend travels this road with you and you realize that you would never want to do this without him. Congratulations on that beautiful child. You have your health, a loving husband, and a healthy child. You realized you already have EVERYTHING…you are truly a lucky woman!!!

    • Emily

      Yep. Sometimes I think i’m the luckiest in the world. Honestly.

  9. Meri

    You know, it sounds rediculous but I experienced similar stuff (although a fraction of the intensity) when raising my puppy. Like I would imagine accidentally dropping him off my balcony or that he would choke on a bone and I wouldn’t be able to get it out and he’d suffocate to death in front of my face. I can only imagine what a psycho I’d be with an actual human!

  10. Erika

    OMG that is so totally true. Totally totally true. It backs off after a while – when they get bigger and won’t starve if you don’t feed them every ALL THE TIME – but OMG. Awesome writing about motherhood. I love how joy is the emotion you are fronting – that’s totally how it was for me too.

  11. Sarah

    I love this post!! Thank you so much for writing it and sharing what you have been experiencing. I’m expecting my first baby, also a boy, in about 6 weeks and I’m so excited I can hardly stand it. Thanks for accentuating the positives. Too often people focus on the negatives or only what is hard. It’s not helpful for a mother to be to get scared about things she can’t really control anyway! So thanks for such a joyful post.

    • Emily

      Oh you are in for it, in such a good way. Everyones experience is different so remember that, but regardless of how much people love the first few months, the love for the baby is undeniable. Huge congrats and good luck!

  12. Jess

    Lovely, lovely post straight from the heart! There is truly no more joyful, terrifying, amazing and profound job as this!

  13. Mary

    So well put Emily! I had my baby a week before you had Charlie and I have been following along and reading about your experiences. It is nice and heartwarming to see someone across the country experiencing raising a baby and having the same Feelings, being a new mom is surreal and wild! It’s nice to feel that we are not alone!
    Thanks for being so candid and honest about this crazy roller coaster. To anyone else it seems like we are strung out basket cases but to other moms its ‘normal’. we are cheering along side because we’ve been there and we are doing the best we can. Thanks for keeping it real! You rock!

    • Emily

      Ah, congrats. And i’m glad you are relating, at the exact same time. I know that we are all doing it together, but its nice that you are doing it right now, too. Its just so intensely happy, right?

  14. Dora

    Um…where did you get those super cute diapers? :)

    • Holly

      They are honest company diapers…would highly recommend!

      • Emily

        Yup. They are great. :)

  15. Marcy

    Good for you! I have a 1 year old, and I now understand why people say
    “Kids grow up so fast.” You will never get those moments back, so cherish them as much as you can! He won’t be a baby for long at all, and every second is a discovery.

    • Emily

      Thats exactly why i’m an emotional basketcase. I really really want to appreciate every second and I am. Not a day goes by that I don’t verbalize how much I love this time in his life.

  16. Fiona

    Glad that it seems so easy for you! He’s adorable.

    It was not so easy for me, which I just say to reassure other mothers who feel the same way. A friend of mine says that for the first eight weeks, most parents are like, “Oh my God, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!” That was me (I think partially because of hormones, partially because you are so damn tired.) Of course, now I couldn’t be happier.

    I just don’t want people who aren’t in a state of bliss immediately to feel like there’s something wrong with them!

    • Sasha

      I second this. I am an only child and desperately require (both rest and) alone time. The first few months were overwhelming to me because I felt as if I had suddenly grown a new appendage. That said, I loved that little bugger intensely but my feelings at the time were complicated. I did wonder if I had made the right decision in becoming a parent. Obviously I have decided that it was the right call because we decided to have a second one, due in June. I love that it feels so immediately ‘right’ for you. That’s a wonderful, wonderful thing.

      • Emily

        Listen, Brian is around 50% of the time. FIFTY!!! We share the responsibilities equally so that is one of the main reasons I’m not insane. Its obviously not easy, but it is sooo much easier having help. Also I hated being pregnant and I got so annoyed at people who loved it so much so i’m very sorry if this comes across that way.Life is weird, just in general .:)

        • Sasha

          Ha. You didn’t come across as anything but happy and in love…and a little hormonal (as we all are after having a baby). Babies are wonderful things and you happen to be lucky enough to have fallen in love immediately.

      • Sonel

        I agree with this! I’m at week 6 with my second and I have to admit that I still wonder sometimes if my life is just going to be sooo hard from here on out. The nice thing is that the second time you know that those feelings are temporary. I look forward to all the good stuff that’s coming!

    • Esperanza

      I agree, it’s not always as easy of a transition. I had the hardest time with my adorable baby those first couple months, and that was with my husband around to help. I’m glad that you didn’t have a hard time Emily.

  17. RD

    Ok, I totally don’t get the irrational fear stuff that other mothers report. I’ve had two kids and I NEVER went through this. Perhaps it has something to do with my birth order. (I’m first), or the number of infants and kids I babysat (against my will at times) when I was younger. It just never occurred to me to obsess about the little tikes meeting with an intruding heroin addict or slipping through my arms when I walk down the stairs.
    Here’s the worst that ever happened when I was with an infant: she choked on a piece of hard candy. Instead of panicking, I did the heimlich maneuver and I was very calm and methodical about it. That sucker flew out of her mouth and my heart rate barely budged. The other unsafe thing happened when the four year old stuck her head through the back rails of a thonet chair and couldn’t get it out again. She looked ridiculous but survived.
    Your kid will survive too. If he’s lived 10 weeks without you killing him, you should probably just chill the heck out now. You’re competent.
    BTW, that crying for no reason shtick is usually associated with neurological changes that babies undergo in their first year. They’re pretty predictable, along with the feeding frenzies. Nothing you can do about it except wait it out. If you’ve gone through your checklist and cuddling, swaying, bouncing doesn’t work, it is perfectly OK, to stick them in a sound proof environment for a 15-20 minute sanity break.
    He will not need therapy later because of it.
    Otherwise, I’m with you on the devouring thing. Baby cheeks (both sets) are a delicacy.

    • Emily

      :) I think you are right, but yes I’m still neurotic, I guess. I think its partly that he is still so young so i’m hoping that goes away soon ;)

  18. Well said! Ishareall of those sentiments,my son is 4.5mths. I am totally relishing this time with him! Enjoy

  19. Sari

    It gets better AND worse.. for both of you.. especially with your emotions…I’ve stopped watching the news.. every time I hear something bad about children I start weeping..thinking that if that could happen to this child then it could happen to mine.. It’s awful.. but then you see your kid’s smile..you see them accomplishing little things..or just doing snuggle fests can put you in such highs.. I call it the Mommy radars.. every emotion you had pre-child is heightened..and it is absolutely necessary..all of it. Mommies, man.. yes, daddies too,. but mommies..we are creatures like no other. It is truly a higher calling… Make sure you take time for yourself now and again..it’s not easy being pull apart a 1000 directions. Enjoy Charlie..you’re doing awesome!

  20. Meghan

    Emily- What a beautifully written and honest piece on the early days of motherhood. So accurate and so true, love your blog! Xoxo, Meghan

  21. Melanie Price

    Nope. Not alone at all and that feeling NEVER GOES AWAY!! It is an ‘all the time, fill your heart until it spills over or bursts’ kind of love. Amazing and exhausting all at once. You will learn to manage these emotions with all the other things in life. Life work. The first 3 months of having your first baby is amazing and an ass-kicker all at the same time. So many random emotions, thoughts and new tasks to juggle, on top of everything else you were already juggling. Crazy balls is the best way to describe it. But you will fine tune this ‘dance’ and come up with your own groove. I am sure you’re doing an amazing job Emily!! But you’re not alone in feeling this way. EVERY first time mom goes through this. My GF’s tell me that their first was special because it was new and exciting but scary as hell. And their second baby they enjoyed so much more because they had been through it all before and they were more relaxed. Not sure-I only have the one. Cheers to all mom just trying to figure it all out, right?!

  22. Erin

    The crazy thing is, you love them even MORE as time goes on. Your heart swells so much with love that you think it’s going to burst, but then it just keeps stretching and stretching. It’s really incredible.

    As far as naps/sleeping go – I highly recommend “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child”. We have an excellent sleeper, and I credit it all to that book.

  23. Lindsay

    My first just turned one in December and it’s the most wonderful, scary, testing, beautiful, rewarding time of my life. I’m so thankful for mommy-hood and I love reading about how it’s been treating you as well. Congratulations to you and your family.

  24. Emily – that’s awesome! Charlie is such a gem and you’ve got it right on. So well written. ;) And yes, you are not alone. My little guy Chace is four and I still want to eat him up. But now (unlike when I wanted to eat him as a 10 week old) he can say ‘I love you’ back and give spontaneous hugs which is another kind of awesome that melts your heart. Every stage is amazing – so glad you are documenting all of it with your wonderful photos and words. Enjoy :) xo

  25. Laura

    It is busy being a mom to a newborn (and at times overwhelming)! There are toes to munch on, bellies to kiss, heads to nuzzle and tears of joy and gratitude to be had. While the teary days subside with time and become less intense, they will still hit you every now and again when you realize how very lucky your are to be your kid’s mom. Congrats and welcome to motherhood.

  26. Erika

    Ahhhh yes, I can relate to absolutely everything you said here. Even now that my son is 2.5, I still find myself thinking about the most IRRATIONAL shit occasionally. Are the doors locked? The windows? Will he unlock said doors, grab the step stool, unfold the step stool, hunt through my purse for my keys, move the step stool to the garage, open the garage, get in the car and drive himself to Walgreens in search of the pacifier I took from him? I mean, seriously, it’s crazy town. I’ve noticed that since having him, I can no longer watch the news with detachment as anything involving a child reduces me to a puddle. (This is unfortunate as I happen to work in news. Sigh.) I also remember desperately trying to understand and explain how, when he was a young babe,that I had no time for ANYTHING except keeping him alive. No laundry, no eating, no showers – the list goes on. The good news is that the sudden lack of ability to multitask passes as quickly as it came. Suddenly you’ll find yourself bouncing Charlie on your hip, cooking dinner and doing your makeup all at once (yes, makeup!). The bad news is that I’m not sure we’ll ever stop worrying. Sure, life goes on and you realize you can’t spend it wrapped up in the “what ifs” but, frankly, I think the underlying fear of something rocking the family foundation is continuous, if not slight. But wait! There’s more good news! We have a foundation to be rocked. And as you have already identified…it could always be worse, right?

    PS-Give yourself time to find your footing and allow your wires to stay exposed. There’s a huge pressure in this country to be super mom faaar more quickly than our hormones allow. Take a breath, snuggle your baby, and know that everything else (and I mean everything) will in fact wait. Pinky promise.

    • Emily

      THANK YOU. Loved your comment. So normal, realistic and relatable. I’m sure you are a writer, but if not, you should be one.

      • Erika

        Ha! In some way, shape or form, yes I am. I even had a design blog once upon a time! (2 by design) But alas, a whole mess of the important stuff got in the way. Stupid important stuff. Annnnyway, hang in there, mama! You’re doin’ great. (I talked to Charlie earlier via tin-can phone and he gave you all kinds of mad props.)

  27. susan

    That’s a perfect summation…”every day is both really important and really unimportant at the same time,”…PERFECT.

  28. Marissa

    What you are feeling is completely normal and experienced by many new moms. I wish I had known about it before I had my son, but I feel like I was only warned about post partum depression. I worried the wind would blow him out of my arms. I worried about every terrible news story that I’d ever heard involving a child. I think some level of worry is just a normal reaction to being entrusted with the protection of a tiny person so vulnerable and sweet and helpless. But sometimes it escalates to what is called post partum OCD– which is when you have intrusive negative thoughts about harm coming to your baby. It made me feel better just knowing that it had a name, and that it was normal. For me (and many of my friends), it went away when I weaned my son. There are some theories that it’s tied to breastfeeding, and that it’s actually a protective mechanism (picturing your baby getting hurt on the stairs will make you walk more carefully… doors will always be locked if you can picture a stranger coming into your home and hurting your child). One thing that worked for me– when I found my mind spiraling into visualizing harm coming to my baby, I would imagine a big red STOP sign, and just tell myself to stop. In any case, I just wanted to mention that irrational worrying and even post partum OCD are normal, and perhaps nature’s way of ensuring our babies are protected. It will get easier! Although, I still can’t watch Law&Order SVU.

    • Emily

      WHAT?? There’s a name? That’s amazing and totally makes sense. I can tell its hormonal because its just so strong, so that is so good to know that it might be chemical. Thank you :)

  29. Ellen

    So happy for you and couldn’t agree more. I have two little girls (2 years & 9 months) and my heart is overflowing with love. Love my little family every single day, hour, minute, and second.

  30. Charlene

    Yes! Eat ‘em up! I totally wanted to make out with my baby. I mean that in the non grossest, creepiest way possible…you’re just so completely smitten and they are the love of your life. My boy is almost four and let me tell you…i doesn’t change. I still look at him and shake my head, overwhelmed with gratitude for the wonder and privilege of being a mother; his mother. The hormone intensity of the love will mellow out and it will just be a living breathing part of you…in every tissue and fiber of your being. <3

  31. Maria

    So true about how draining it is to love/cuddle/soothe/obsess over a new baby. Mine is four weeks today and I’m getting enough sleep, but I still can’t manage to get anything else (non-baby-related) done besides showering and brushing my teeth!

  32. Nope. You are not alone. I had to stop watching Law and Order, SVU (baby coffins? I mean, SERIOUSLY?). I can’t read or watch anything that has ANYTHING to do with kids being hurt, it freaks me out, is physically painful and frightening. It lessens up a little, but not much. You can only control so much!

  33. Kate S

    Emily – you captured those thoughts and feelings so wonderfully! I have an eight-week-old, and your post matches my emotions so well. :) Thank you!

    On another note, will you be posting about the milk production techniques you tried? I’ve been using fenugreek and doing a little pumping, but I’d be very interested in what’s working for you!

    Thank you!

    • Emily

      I’m doing both and the fenugreek seems to be working. But also he is sleeping a decent amount at night so i’m able to get one full bottle at the end of the day (right now actually) :)

  34. Beth

    I love your blog and I love your sense of style. I’ve never heard anyone say what you just said and have it come out exactly how it actually feels.. It is a lot of happiness to process. Those words hold so much meaning. My kids are 7 and 9 and I remember those days so well!

  35. Laura

    Just remember that EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON EARTH was born of a mother. They all did it, and so will you.

  36. I love these posts so much (sounds like there are a bunch of us preggos reading and loving!). I’ve always wanted kids so I am excited to be pregnant, but I get a whole different this-is-really-happening feeling after reading one of your posts! I was talking to my hubs the other day about how crazy it is that the little alien wiggling around in my belly will soon be a person whose face we see and who we really actually KNOW. I’m pretty sure that’s language I stole from your belly photo post… Anyway, these posts resonate. Keep writing them. Also keep posting/writing about inanimate objects to make life prettier. Write all the things, please.

    • Carolyn

      Agreed! How funny that all of these pregnant women have showed up here on a design blog. I too am expecting and am loving the snapshots into motherhood-to-come. Maybe it is because we all feel like we have more than motherhood in common with you, Emily, that we can expect that our mom experiences might be in common as well? Or maybe it’s because you write the truth with humor. Either way, please keep it coming!

      • Emily

        Ah, thank you. That makes me feel just so gooooood. Thanks, guys.

  37. Melissa Arnold

    I have this phrase that (in my mind, anyway)sums it all up when I love something in the way you love Charlie. “I just want to put him in my mouth!” I totally get the whole “eat him up, devour him, adore him….just put him in your mouth. Done. Motherhood looks great on you!

  38. Patti Z

    Love your style – writing, designing, you name it! Thanks for letting us in on your journey.

  39. Suz

    One of your most beautiful posts ever. The love you feel for Charlie is the most wonderful gift a mother can receive…

  40. Lisa

    Oh it is soooo good! Folks will tell you how its gonna be when little baby comes but you just don’t know until it happens to you and WOW! Love is Good.

  41. Cara

    He is adorable. The worrying about them is crazy and I think normal. I am constantly scared something will happen to my daughter or husband. I used to be a total daredevil and now am much more cautious because I worry I will die and she won’t have a mom. She is 2 and I obsessively check her room every night to make sure no one snuck in and will kidnap her after I go to bed. Because that happens all the time Im sure. Being a mommy totally makes you crazy but it is worth it:)

  42. Shelby

    Oh my goodness Emily! This is all so true! You are not alone. The worry and irrational fears? I’d say that’s the majority of moms. Not just new moms, because I feel like it NEVER goes away. I totally get now why my mom would get upset with me when I didn’t call when I’d reached my destination, and why even now that I am grown and have my own children, she still worries about me. I’m about to have my third in a few weeks, and while I certainly think I have a better handle on those emotions, they are still there! That’s the one thing I don’t think anyone can prepare you for. I stressed throughout my first pregnancy, always thinking something might be wrong with my baby. I naively thought I’d feel better once she arrived. Little did I know the worry would just amplify as I fell in love with her over and over each day!

  43. Terry

    Can I just say that I am really REALLY looking forward to your post on hardwood floors? I’ve been anxiously waiting since you mentioned it a few weeks ago. :)

    So happy for you that you’re enjoying motherhood. Charlie is just too precious!

  44. Amanda DeFerrari

    Amazing blog, Emily. Here is the kicker…I have exactly the same feelings for my first grandchild. Who knew that I could overflow with tenderness, love, fear, pleasure, kisses, squeezes, laughter and, yup, tears…for my granddaughter? I am blessed beyond measure be able to take care of her while her Mom works (part time).
    The joys and fears that consume us for our children and grandchildren are bigger than life. It’s grand.

    • Emily

      Thats amazing. What a lucky daughter you have (and grandchild). Its just my new state of being, i guess :) Thanks for commenting. xx

  45. “Having a kid makes every day both really important and really unimportant at the same time.”

    This. So much this.

    • Emily

      :)

  46. tammyCA

    Yep, right about what you said!

  47. Shannon

    Magda at AskMoxie had a really great post recently about these “fear fantasies” and how absolutely, totally common and normal they are after having a baby:
    http://askmoxie.org/blog/2014/1/31/its-a-thing-fear-fantasies-with-babies

    Charlie is adorable, and it sounds like you are doing a great job striking a balance between obsessive love and normal fear/exhaustion etc.

  48. Andrea from Germany

    With a wee son of 4.5 months your post totally resonates with me. It is truly like that und unfortunately the fear doesn’t get any better, but the same with the love…;-). Unrelated to this: Watching the pics of your lovely living room I cannot help asking where you got your rug from? It just looks so perfect…

  49. Joleen

    You summed it up perfectly. I have a 3 year old and a 5 year old and all I’ve done is worry for 5 straight years! Glad to know I’m not the only “crazy” one!

  50. Hannah

    I love this. You are definitely not alone as I constantly am staring at my one and a half week old while he’s sleeping making sure he’s breathing – while the world around me is telling me to sleep when he sleeps. Yeah, right. I have never once cried tears of joy. Not once. And now I find myself doing it multiple times a day (yes, could be the hormones). But everything you said in this post rings true for me right now. I love following your journey as I start mine.

  51. Lynn

    A bit of hyperbole perhaps, but I don’t know that I’ve ever related to a blog post, in all of the internet, as much as this one. I have a 6 month old, and you’ve said it all so perfectly. It seems so obvious, that motherhood is universal and relatable, but it is so refreshing to actually read words like this with humor and honesty. And really, I didn’t know I could kiss cheeks and feet so much. I’d be embarrassing if anyone were keeping count in a day.

    • Emily

      Oh man. THANK YOU. That just made my day. Thank you so much. xx

  52. Rosie

    Enjoy every second. They grow up far too quickly.

    xo

  53. A.B.

    i thought i knew what love was . . . and then i had children. i still get frustrated (oldest is 2.5) and yell when i wish i didn’t and curse myself and all my flaws, and then every night i lie in bed thanking god for them, their health, their existence and how much more life means to me that they are here . . . all the while trying to fall asleep without letting the anxiety of keeping them safe and alive FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE drive me insane. it is relentlessly wonderful and exhausting having them :) you have no idea what you’re missing out on until you have one.

  54. Amazing post. Only a mother could understand what you just wrote.

  55. Your anxiety is completely normal, and hard wired into our DNA. The hormones women produce encourage this anxiety, and it has been essential to our evolution into highly intelligent beings, because babies can focus on learning instead of survival. Many mammals experience seemingly irrational perceived threats, ie mama bears. Since, on average, we only have one child, instead of thousands, it is essential for our existence that we protect our offspring. That strong anxiety is why we are all here and not in the stomachs of saber toothed tiger fossils.

    • Emily

      I love when what seems like irrational emotions has a scientific explanation. Amazing. Totally makes sense. Thanks for sharing :)

  56. Karmen

    Emily, Hopefully you could help me out. Wanting to paint our interior white. Question, are your walls flat or eggshell?

    Karmen
    P.S. I so miss those baby stages with just a diaper on….so presious!

    • Emily

      Flat :)

  57. Kasandra

    I have a 7 month old and I totally relate to this and most everything you’ve posted about entering motherhood. I really look forward to your mommy posts and hearing your perspective.

  58. Emmy

    This was such a lovely read. What a great post. I’m not a mom yet, but you make me excited for that aspect of my future :) Stay well.

  59. Ali

    It’s simply the best, isn’t it?! The best!

  60. Bill & Laurie

    Charlie is such a cute baby! We love that you’re loving being a mom. Sounds like you will be a good one. And noticed in your last photo – our hardwood flooring matches yours! What good taste you have! :)

  61. I still want to kiss and squeeze the heck out of my 11 and 8 year olds! Ha, not that they don’t send me to the other end of that spectrum at other times! My husband travels a lot for work and I found a few years ago that I really needed to STOP WATCHING Law & Order and Criminal Minds…. I was constantly worried about all the serial killers and child snatchers who must surely be circling my house as soon as my husband left on a trip. Thank goodness I have got to the stage of actually being able to sleep most of the night when he is gone!

  62. You are not alone!
    You have actually managed to express, simply and wonderfully, a lot of the things that have come to my mind recently. Thanks!

  63. alison briggs

    loved this post! I am also a new mom (my son is 5 months old) and everything you said is so true! It is hard to put into words that feeling – and even harder to explain to people who don’t have kids yet. Thank you for posting this :) PS – Charlie is adorable!

  64. karen f

    Thanks for putting that into words. This brought me right back to when my son was a freshie. . . As I read this, it was like I was experiencing it all over again. The power of a good writer!
    So, if you could write a post like this through every stage of baby and toddler growth, that’d be great. Ha

  65. Enjoy these precious moments mama. Happy Nesting!

  66. Jihane

    I don’t have kids yet, but I am already very scared of what you described … I guess something can be terrifying and amazing at the same time.. maybe the fear (of loss) is always the price to pay when you get to experience Love ? Anyway, thank you for every word of your post, so honest , so full of joy and gratitude.

  67. Mariana

    Hi! I write from Colombia, I love your blog and your work!
    I have a 7 weeks boy (he is the second one, the oldest is 4) and it is great to know that other mom feels exactly like me right now!!. I identify with everything you wrote!!! You will see, it seems impossible but that love will grow more and more each day. They grow very fast! We have to enjoy every second with them. It is very stressful as you said but the payoff is huge!

    A hug from Colombia! You are not alone!!

    A hug from Colombia!

  68. I’m not pregnant, I don’t even have a kid, but I can’t help but be excited when the time comes after reading this. It looks like you’re enjoying your time with your gorgeous little boy and no body can be mad at the lack of posts when looking as his little face.

    Sophie xxx

  69. Wow, my boys are older now, but you brought back just how emotional — and incredibly happy — I felt when they were babies. That plus your gorgeous photos of the little tyke are enough to peg the needle on the cuteness factor. Love especially the photo of you with him sleeping, sigh.

  70. Tonya

    You are SO right. I loved reading this. My daughter is about to turn three, but you brought me right back to those first months. Late at night, nursing her in a chair in the dark, my head would go to the worst places of worry. I imagined someone would assault us on our walks, intent on stealing the stroller and in disregard of the baby inside. Then, if I was lucky, they would leave her under the overpass, alone. I seriously thought this every. single. day. Now, I envision massive falls—at the playground, on the arm of the couch, running in the kitchen, a countertop to the temple… sigh.

  71. Jill

    This post made me cry. My son is 17 and will go off to college in the fall. I still worry about every car wreck everywhere in the world and wish I could somehow get a guarentee that the world will be fair and kind to him. What I mostly want to say is even though I’ve been a mom for 17 years I could still relate to every word of your post. It feels like I brought him home from the hospital yesterday. You just want the world for your kid – makes perfect sense to me.

  72. Chausey

    Precious photos! Congratulations again. I am not only a design enthusiast, but a psychotherapist practicing Spiritual Psychology, as well. I had the same anxiety issues when my son was a baby. When I kept having scary thoughts of something bad happening to him, I realized that underneath it was a deep desire to keep him safe. So, when a threatening thought would pop up, I would immediately affirm,”My baby is safe and I am fully capable of protecting him in this world. He is safe and easily protected by me and his angels.” Hope that helps! It somehow helped me. Sending you thoughts for many fun and Peaceful Mommy moments ahead!

  73. Evy

    My little one is 9 weeks and I’m feeling all the same things. You nailed it. Let’s hope we’re both on the normal track of mothering emotions ;)

  74. Cindy

    I loved this post so much. My daughter would ditto all your emotions. She starts back to work next week as a teacher after five months at home since the birth of our first grandchild. I am happy to be able to be a gramma nanny for this wonderful little baby boy. All our best to your family!

  75. Jessica

    heyyyy that blanket looks awfully cozy and would be perfect my soon to be born bebe – where’d you get it?

  76. Angie

    Your post and pics reminded me so much of my first few month with my son Lucas. Magical, terrifying, and exhausting in a way I never imagined.

    That was 11 years ago…today he is a budding Middle School student and his brother is not far behind. It is still magical, a daily adventure, although with more eye rolling and electronics.

    Enjoy the baby tunnel … drink up every moment and savor it as much as you can…as it has been said – and is so true – the days are long but the years fly by.

    Thank you for reminding me of those sweet, sweet days…

  77. Judy H.

    I have a daughter and a son, Lauren and Taylor, 33 years and 31 years respectively.
    I can remember that newborn year as if it was yesterday. Some days I would spend the better part of a day just holding and playing with them. They would take their complete nap in my arms. Soon I realized that I just could not resume my very successful job as a public relations specialist, I wanted to be with them all of the time. I went back to work (part-time) when they were in the 6th and 4th grade, I just loved all of the “momming” stuff too much. They went off to college and I needed to get serious about my career again. They graduated from college, one an interior designer, the other an attorney, got married and between the 2 gave me 5 gorgeous grandchildren. Suddenly, it was yesterday, I’m part-time again and having the time of my life. You have to watch those babies…they get into your heart and soul and steal big chunks of it for themselves and it feels so good.
    Charlie is a beautiful, precious baby. Enjoy him, take every moment you can to just inhale the entire experience…it will be the time of your life. Congratulations and blessed may all of you be.

  78. Maureen B.

    Oh yes…I remember it well.

  79. linda

    Love your mom posts. :) (I’m a mom of two girls.)

    May I ask where the rug is from? Looks great!

  80. Kelly

    Well that just about perfectly sums up my whole mothering experience. I’m also relieved that your friend had her “someone is going to break in and shoot my baby full of heroin” fear. I feel slightly less crazy…slightly…’cause a little crazy is fun.

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  82. Nelly

    I am loving the hardwood in your living room? What type of hardwood would this be? Thanks again!

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