Skip the cardigan, again. Instead here are my father’s day gift pics that will manipulate him into thinking that you are the coolest kid (or wife), which is really what fathers day is all about.
1. DollarShaveClub Membership, $1/month…and this video is excellent, a must-see
Basically they send you high quality razor blades every month for $1. You can get even better quality razor blades for $6 and $9 a month, but regardless its a. a fun gift and b. economical. Plus that video is hilarious.
2. Nike Fuel Band, $149…
Because every dad needs an athletic bracelet? Basically what this guy does is track your activity all day every day – counting calories, miles, dancing with coworkers. Being the kind of girl who secretly wears ankle weights whilst shopping and heart monitors whilst cleaning the kitchn, I want one badly.
3. Remote Meat Monitor from Brookstone, $69.99,
Baby monitor for Beef – that could be a really good band name.
4. The Hungover Cookbook by Milton Crawford, $7.92
My dad would decidely not like this or understand it, but maybe yours would.
5. Man Plans Moleskin Set, $24.00…includes “Man Plans, ” “Shop Thoughts, ” and “Grill Logic”
This may never get used, but its a clever present to open and looks cool on his desk at work. ‘Cool’ being the operative word.
6. Birchbox Man, 3 Month Subscription, $60.00
Give him the gift of hygiene. Your mom will thank you.
7. American Apparel Duffle Bag, $48.00
For the hipster dad. (bag not for babies, more for gym shoes, ankle socks, walkman, etc).
8. 12 Photo Desk Blotter by Pinhole Press, $29.99
You are only allowed to gift this if you promise to put funny, candid photos on this blotter. Ideas: you and your siblings as kids playing in the mud, crossdressing, mooning eachother, etc. Give him stories to tell his coworkers.
9. Warby Parker Eyeglasses/Sunglasses, $95 (non-prescription)…free shipping for fathers day if ordered by Tuesday (today)…also have this kind of awesome colonel monocle
Colonel Brooklyn, in the kitchen, with a monacle. It’s hipster, but hilarious.
10. Home Depot Head Lamp, $34.97 (this picture isn’t of the exact one but i wanted one with a man in it)
No, don’t give him a Tanning Chatum look alike picture, but instead give him this headlamp for camping, hiking, caving and general nighttime tomfoolery. I don’t know why i find it so entertaining.
Wait…. this is my assistant Bonnie’s dad playing wicked witch of the east demonstrating when headlamps come in handy
Super handy, folks. I hope he survived.
11. Custom Stamped Leather Luggage Tags from OfTheFountain Etsy, $13.40
Or you could just put his name on it with the phone number, but this quote works, too. Also all dad’s love anything that says ‘Best Dad Ever’ so thats a good option, too.
12. Wild Man Beard Basket, $34.99
Ooh, i love a good scruff – the kind that exfoliate your face whilst kissing (if you are his wife or luva, not his child, obvi). So give him the gift of beard beauty.
13. “Unbroken” by Laura Hillenbrand, $13.48…great nonfiction read, bestseller, great story of survival WWII
Such a good pick, actually. Lots of dads love books about war, my father-in-law included. And apparently this one is really, really good.
14. “Hair of the Dog” Flask or by Izola, $22.00
Again, not one my dad would appreciate but maybe i can convince him to put diet pepsi in it and bring it to church.
15. Inflatable Player Mascot, $119.90
He’ll be the coolest dad (with arrested development) on the block.
17. Golfshot: Golf GPS for iPhone and iPad, $29.99…”38, 000 professionally mapped courses worldwide”
Yep. For Bob Henderson. Done.
18. Beer Butt Chicken BBQ Roasting Pan from Pampered Chef, $39.50…”For super-moist chicken, put a 12-oz. can of beer or soda in the detachable can holder and place the chicken on top to barbecue.”
I don’t get it, but its beer and meat and grilling and that seems ‘dude’ and ‘dad’ enough to go on the list.
19. Ally Cappelino Rucksack, £160.00 and Despatch bag, £164.95
I may not call it a rucksack to him, but every grown hipster dad needs a cool bag to bring to the playground.
19. Portland General Store Whiskey Aftershave, $18.00
Of course Portland would invent this, naturally. Don’t put it on whilst driving at night – might be hard to convince the cop that you simply put on whiskey aftershave….a totally sober thing to say.
20. Schoolhouse Electric Co. Hammer Screwdriver Combo Tool, $20.00
Hell, yes. I want this.
21. Proper Cloth Custom Shirt, $80.00…Refinery29 is having a Proper Cloth Special Deal here
He won’t appreciate it til he puts it on and then he’ll be extremely excited. Custom shirts really do make the man.
Almost as much as his hot sauce collection:
22. Hot Sauce of the Month Club Membership, $56.85 (also bacon or bbq sauce, you can peruse others here)
I don’t get it, but i don’t cook. Maybe its how women love fancy salts or pretty socks? No one really notices, but it makes us feel grown up.
23. Team Logo Toaster, $39.95
This is totally 100% owesome. I want it, for U of O Ducks. Hilarious.
24, State Pairings Prints by JHill Design, $65.00 (unframed)
for the well decorated man-cave, or his hip graphic design office. It took me a while to understand it, but i think you give them your state and his state and his initials and they make this print for you. Huh.
25. “My Cape is Invisible” Tshirt, $24.75, also with matching kids’ “My Cape is in the Wash” Tshirt, $19.75
Because Brian has ‘Batman’ dreams at least a couple times a month. Usually its Batman asking him to take over fighting crime in Gotham. He gets stressed. He knows its a big job, but he’s up for it.
26. Burger Press, Mini Sliders, $19.99
OOH, i love a mini, and sliders are trending, folks. Get him this guy.
27. Sculptees T-shirt, T-slim, tee makes you look buff, $78 “provides moderate compression to make your biceps and shoulders look broad while slimming the waist”
Spanks for men? Yes, please….although i wouldn’t pitch it to him like that. Maybe say ‘hot dude t-shirt’ or ‘muscle defining t-shirt’. Yes, they’ll like that.
28. Bosca Leather Toiletry Kit, $185
It’s expensive, i know. But maybe you love your dad that much. He could put his $1 a month razors it in.
29. Anthony Logistics Grab ‘n Go Travel Kit, $35.00
Super practical for the traveling dad.
WAIT. I have one more.
The best show ever. You’ll win the best child/wife award and most likely get better birthday presents forever. Plus then you can borrow it and rewatch Kyle Chandler being the biggest and best DILF of all time. Buy HERE.